A Perfect Lie
by Nicole Lo
Summary: Why was it that snow white pale girls killed themselves to get be darker, but I was darker and everyone was telling me that it was time to do fix it?/If I saw a cute guy and he was giving me the look and I wanted him, I took him and I couldn’t help it.
1. Eating All the Lies They’ve Fed

**Disease of the Mind**

By: Nicole Lopez

Summary: My take on the new Degrassi characters before seeing the new season and … I'm adding a new Latino guy … just to mix it up a bit! One girl deals with feeling secure in her own skin, another covers up her hurt by surrounding herself with as many guys as possible, and the ugly duckling grows into a swan.

A/N: I do not own Degrassi or any characters that appear in this fiction from the actual show. Oh yeah, and cheers to me for writing a Degrassi story that's not focused on Hazel, Manny, or Alex!! And, I might add Craig's little sister Angie and other older background characters like Chester, Mohammed, Fareeza, or Sully, to the plot so stay tuned!! –NL

* * *

Chapter One: Eating All the Lies They've Fed

**Alli Bhandari**

"You're too dark." That statement had hit me harder than I thought it would especially since I'd watched the Tyra show like everyone else. I saw how those women hated themselves so much that they would go through anything just to be lighter. Even though I was dark, I never felt that way before … not really.

And now, with one statement, I was feeling the exact same way. It was tough being a girl like_ me_, but I had always ignored it by being around people who wouldn't make me feel inferior because I wasn't fortunate enough to pass the paper bag test. I loved having friends that looked nothing like me.

Their blonde, red, and light brown hair intrigued me and so did their blue, green, and hazel eyes. At times I wish I'd inherited those features. But my brother Sav and I had inherited my father's dark skin. In fact, I was actually darker than Sav.

Why was it that snow white pale girls killed themselves to get a tan and be darker, but I was darker and everyone was telling me that it was about time to do something about it? I knew I should've never joined this group this, Indian Exchange group. I didn't even really consider myself as Indian. I was Muslim, but everyone just thought that I was Indian so I accepted that. I was much easier being known as the Indian girl than the Muslim girl.

Now, I was told that I couldn't go to the convention and represent our Indian Cultural Exchange group because of it. How stupid was that? But how stupid was I being sitting on the bathroom floor and bawling my eyes out? And even stupider was the fact that I was starting to believe they were right. Lighter Indian girls always got the best of everything and I wanted the best. Maybe there was only one way out of this…

* * *

**Leia Bai**

I heard some girl having a tear bath next to me and it was normally just like me not to care about anyone else unless it was some hot guy that I was into. I didn't mess around with girls because they always turned on me, but this girl was really making me change my mind about everything.

I knocked on the door slightly; a little insecure and nervous about what she was going to say. What if she said she didn't want help from a slut or something like that? Degrassi was a new school for me but I could feel the stares coming from everyone as I walked down the hallway. But, if the slut thing got started here … I swear I was going to kill the next person who called me that, but seriously … why did I care anyway?

If I saw a cute guy and he was giving me the look and I wanted him, I took him and I couldn't help it. I'd tried having a steady boyfriend before, but that ended in disaster. He told me I was too needy and embarrassed me in front of everyone. So, I had sex with his best friend for retaliation.

And with that, I found a clear sense of control and obvious pleasure. I could do what I wanted with whomever, or no one and no one could stop me from doing it.

The only bad thing about this freedom was that it really hurt my sister to see me like this. I can tell she's always watching what I wear and wondering if I'm going to be locked up in some room with a guy that night or not.

But that was back at ballet school. Going to Degrassi was a "new start for me", in the eyes of my sister and my recently divorced mother. But for me, it just meant more possibilities to meet cute boys.

I just couldn't be like my sister even though that's what everyone wanted. She was the stereotypical Asian. Smart, conservative, quiet, and most of all boring. She even has people call her by her Chinese name, Kai-ying but there was no way in hell I was going to go by Bai Liqiu. Leia Bai was much better. It added to my persona as this prima ballerina in the making.

And let me just say that telling guys that I'm a dancer is the best pick up line ever. You can see the wheels turning in their heads and it's hilarious. But girls don't think it's too cool when your body can bend in every possible_ and _impossible way ever.

So you see, I was already called a slut before I actually did anything with anybody. Since when did doing a split become grounds to be the most feared girl in the school? I rolled my eyes just thinking about it.

"Excuse me." The bathroom door that I had just been knocking on flung open, hitting me right on the arm. I really had to work on spacing off so much.

"Umm… sorry to pry but, are you okay?"

"Sure why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, I heard crying." I responded. "Have your first few weeks here been that bad?" I wondered, hoping that it wasn't too obvious that I was still grasping for friends. The only one that I had here besides the obligated by birth Kai-ying and my older brother who pretended like I didn't exist, was Danny, who knew all about my adventures as a ballet dancer.

"Must've been someone else." She shrugged me off and started reapplying her make-up.

"We're the only two in here." I continued. "Look, I wouldn't want to admit it either … are you okay though?"

"I'm fine." The girl sighed, angrily. "It's nothing _you _would get anyway."

"I can't get anything if you don't tell me what's up but … it doesn't matter … I'm Leia by the way." I introduced myself as she turned and gave me a small smile.

"Alli Bhandari. And Degrassi is stressing me out already!" She exclaimed with a small chuckle.

"So … you're a freshman too then?" I asked as she nodded and I started playing around with my hair so I wouldn't just be there watching her re-do her makeup. "Do you know anyone here yet?"

"Unfortunately, I have a brother that goes here." Alli explained. "He's a real loser."

"I have one of those too. He pretends like he doesn't know me." I explained a little sadly. "And my sister is always studying in the library, preparing for her career as Dr. Bai." I laughed.

"Wow, she sounds just like Sav." Alli responded. "What was your name again … Leia? Nice to meet you." Alli zipped up her bag, looking as though the crying spree never even happened. "See you around." She gave me a quick wave as I leaned against the bathroom sink in awe. I was so proud of myself for what I'd just done.

* * *

**Armando Felix Gutierrez Martinez-Hassan**

I wasn't a freshman; I was a senior and tired of everyone asking me how I ended up at Degrassi. They acted like I had never been here before. I had lived here until I was eight and then my mom got remarried, and thus began my life as a military brat. Now, I was back and no one even recognized me.

I was starting to feel really stupid waving and smiling at people who I remembered who didn't even recognize my name. My face was a lot different now than it was back then. Let's just say that I've gotten a little ... big, well more like chubby.

It's an advantage when it comes to wrestling and football, but the big disadvantage comes with the girls. No girl, no matter how "deep" they are, wants to be seen dating or even talking to someone who looks like me.

So the whole 'Latin Lover' card doesn't work in my favor. My Spanish accent sounds thick and clumsy, just like the loud steps I take in the hallway. At least football try-outs for new students are happening this afternoon.

Then, I can finally stop feeling like such a spaz and serve a purpose here. I guess tutoring people in Spanish is a "purpose" but it's just this thing I'm doing for a scholarship. I'd have to say the worst part about Degrassi is that they're making me take two foreign languages. My old school didn't care that I was a native Spanish speaker and that I was in Spanish 101.

Degrassi did, and they required their students to take two years of two different foreign languages or four years of one. I had talked the principal, Ms. H, into letting me double up on classes so that I still had the possibility of graduating this year.

The only catch was that I'd have to take a competency exam in both Chinese _and _Italian. But I could totally pull it off and this year … I was going to get rid of this baby fat once and for all. No matter what it took.

* * *

(A/N: I know what you're thinking ... WHY IS SHE STARTING ANOTHER NEW STORY? I just saw the previews for the new Degrassi characters and I had play around with them before the actual show airs here. Plus, once I get on top of everything, _This is My Reality, Fool of Me, False Self, _and _Double Standard _will be done in 1-2 chapters each! I'm trying to make **Disease of the Mind** have shorter chapters and I want it have less chapters than I normally write too. Please review and let me know what you think!! I've already written the first four chapters of this one so tune in next week for a new part!! --NL)


	2. No One has the Power to Hurt You

**Chapter Two, Part One: No One has the Power to Hurt You like Your Friends**

* * *

**Leia Bai**

Degrassi had no dance team here or any dance program to speak of. Sure there were a few elective classes that consisted of basic ballet, jazz, and modern but nothing that really challenged me. Still, I had enrolled in all of them, throwing Calculus I to the side.

What freshman seriously took Calculus anyway? I knew I was already older than the other kids, by one year, but dumping math for this semester wouldn't hurt me. I just had to take it every semester after this one to "graduate with honors."

My mom was forcing that on me, but being smart wasn't something I wanted to be known for. I wanted to make people love dance as much I did, to live, breath, feel, and want to _die _for it. That's how I felt when I was forced to leave ballet training school. I _wanted _to die. It was like the only thing that really mattered to me was being taken away and replace by a regular high school.

I don't exactly know the whole story and why I was forced to leave, but I'm guessing that dad found out about my late night adventures and freaked out. I don't know what the big deal was. It was just _sex, _and a couple of the guys that I'd been with well … I was their first so it was nothing to worry about.

I didn't get how parents could justify them having sex at least three times, to have me and my siblings, but then I do what it is in my nature to do and everyone just freaks the hell out. And my other brother, Tiyo could do whatever he wanted.

No one even cared what he did, as long as he brought back all As and kept up with the piano lessons.

That's why I really wanted to dance in this moment. I needed to get my mind off of a lot of things and it was completely my release. I didn't even check to see if the dance studio was reserved or not, but I didn't care. Anyone who had a problem with it was going to have to drag me off the floor. This was _my _sanctuary, my _home_.

"I knew I'd find you here girl." Danny walked onto the dance floor as I continued the routine I was working on. "Wow, what's that for … a strip club?"

"No. I'm trying to get a dance team started here."

"Why? That's what spirit squad is for." He answered as I lost focus on my chaines and slid to the floor. I knew there was no way to stop me from falling down so I tried to my best to make a pretty landing, and I did … in a split.

"Now that looks painful." Danny rushed over to me, helping me to stand.

"Anyone can learn how to do it." I smiled. "I didn't think football practice was over yet."

"Yeah. It got canceled for today and I was looking for you." He explained with a smile.

"Bull shit. You were totally macking on some girl on 'spirit squad.' I can totally see the field from the windows up here." I explained, pointing him in the right direction.

"Aww man. You caught me." He looked down for a second. "So … you think she likes me?"

"I think she likes messing _with _you." I explained as he helped me pick up my stuff and get ready to leave. Basically, I wanted an excuse not to have to go home right after school. The only thing that mattered to me was dance, and there wasn't a team here or anything so I just chilled here until Danny's practice was over.

I told my mom I was a freshman representative for student government and on the spirit committee or whatever and she didn't ask anything else. As long as I was involved in something that I could put on my resume, she was fine with it.

Danny and I walked side by side, my soft sofee shorts clinging to my body with sweat. I hadn't finished my routine yet, but there was always tomorrow. Danny stared at me silently as I pretended not to notice. I was always a little afraid of what was going to come out of his mouth, what he was going to say, and if he was going to ever mention my actions at ballet school to the Degrassi community.

"Are you a mute now or just a mime?" He started to mimic my actions as I smiled unwillingly. "Finally! An emotion!"

"You're so stupid Danny." I grinned, flipping my hair over my shoulder and, by doing so, catching the guy of some guy with a doofy grin and drum sticks in his hands. He was cute, but not cute enough so I didn't bother looking at him longer than I needed to.

"Hey Spin." Danny slapped hands with the guy that had been looking at me as I turned my head the other way, pretending not to notice him studying me. The two started a conversation as I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against the wall, acting like I was completely disinterested in their conversation.

I was thankful for the distraction of Alli, whom I had met a couple of days ago but hadn't talked to since. "Hey." I breathed, happy to see her.

"Hey umm … Lee" I shook my head as she tried to guess my name again. "Okay umm ….Lyn …La-"

"Leia." I answered impatiently. "Haven't seen you in the girls' washroom lately."

"Things are looking up. I'm running for freshman senate in student gov. Want to help with my campaign?" She wondered politely.

"Now Leia here wouldn't be of any use to you unless you were organizing a new reincarnation of the _Pussycat Dolls_._" _Danny jumped in, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "Trust me; you're better off without her help."

"My _friend _here doesn't know what he's talking about." I uncrossed my arms. "I'll do whatever you need me to do to get those extra votes, okay?" I promised as Alli nodded, genuinely happy to have me on board.

"That's exactly what I wanted to hear. Claire Edwards is my campaign manager and she's organized this meeting schedule for my committee members. We start tonight but you can just drop in tomorrow. Okay?"

"Cool, but--"

"Perfect. Laters!" Alli gave my shoulder a quick pat and rushed off into the hallway, acknowledging the next group she ran into.

"You are such a jerk." I pushed Danny's arm away from my shoulder, walking off as Spin was left in the dust. "Why would you say something like that to her? I'm not the next _Pussycat Doll_." I rolled my eyes.

"No, more like the next Playboy Bunny, but you've been very good lately … what's up with that?"

"I knew you were going to pull this sooner or later." I rolled my eyes disgusted. "I'm trying not to have everyone here hate me. Alli seems like she'd be really cool to have around and I don't want to be confined to _you _as a best friend."

"Why not? I'll be your girl friend." Danny offered. "We can have slumber parties, take bubble baths together, give each other massages…"

"Ha. Ha." I rolled my eyes as he placed his arm around my waist. "My mom would personally forget her Asianness and kick your scrawny little butt." I answered. "She'd so go Crouching Tiger on you." I smiled, enjoying feeling this close to him. It wasn't that Danny was so great or anything, but he was a warm body and he was … there. Plus, I knew I could trust him. He'd seen me at my worst and he would never take it farther than touchy-feely friends.

"Crouching Tiger? I thought you were Korean."

"No, I'm _CHINESE!_" I groaned as he chuckled in delight.

"I know that. Just messin with ya." Danny explained. "You know, my 18th is coming up and I was going to have this big celebration--"

"You know I can't. Kai-ying is like my mom's personal spy now and Tiyo will definitely be there. I can't have crazy fun knowing that the sibs are lurking around the corner." I joked. "I already told you Danny, I'm trying to be good … at least for a little while."

"Then we'll have a rated G, alcohol, temptation, and fun-less pre-party just so that you can go. Invite whoever you want, even Kai-ying."

"I'd rather invite your future girlfriend instead."

"No way, you think so?" His face lit up as I rested my head on his shoulder for a little bit. "Really? Mia?"

"I know it."

* * *

**Alli Bhandari**

I walked into the next Indian Cultural Exchange meeting feeling more than just a little dejected. I had worked so hard on that speech and it see that my efforts went to waste, really bothered me. I knew that I should just get over it because I wasn't anything special.

It wasn't like this didn't happen to people all the time because it did. I had been hearing it all my life, but it never really hit me so hard in the face until this. High school was turning out to be the big reality check that I didn't want it to be.

I sat in the front of the meeting again this time, trying to pretend like nothing bad happened. I was furious and steaming on the inside, but I could get past it. Indian Cultural Exchange was a really good group to get involved in. They were well-known around the Toronto community, which is a big feat, and I knew that being a member of it was something that was going to benefit me, and why was I sounding like one of those stupid infomercials on television?

I just had to get through this meeting and then talk to the president, make Mohammed understand that I was way better qualified for this than Shahela.

As the officers spoke through the meeting, I took notes so that I could focus on something besides getting angry and attacking everyone in the room. It worked, that is until Mohammed stepped up. I had been so infatuated with this boy back in grade 6 that it was sickening. He was like two years older than me so when he moved onto grade 9 and I was in grade 7, I was devastated.

I'm not going to sit here and say that seeing him didn't _do _anything for me, because it totally did, but I was older now and Mohammed as a dime a dozen here at Degrassi. For now, I could put my normal boy-craziness on hold and focus on what he was saying … couldn't I?

"Does anyone have any suggestions? Alli?" Mohammed turned his attention towards me as I nearly sunk down in my seat, embarrassed. I had zoned out completely and had no idea of what was said.

"Well, I propose that we work with the International Student Union." Shahela spoke up. I nearly snarled at her. I hated her so much for taking the spot I had worked so hard for and now she was suggesting things? Since _when _did she actually care about ICE.

As the meeting came to a close, I tossed my things into my baby blue messenger bag, completely furious. I looked like such an idiot out there.

"I'd hate to be that bag right about now." Mohammed joked as I quickly tossed the last notebook in there and closed it.

"Is there a reason why you're speaking to me?" I asked with such an attitude that it shocked even me.

"I wanted to congratulate you on the speech you did. What you wrote about ICE was amazing. I really think we can really blow them away at the convention."

"That's really nice." I sighed, genuinely over this.

"It was so great, in fact that we're using it at the convention." He continued.

"You're _WHAT_?" I wondered, both surprised and outraged.

"Are you upset?"

"Of course I am. I worked really hard on that and to hear that Shahela is getting my spot _and _that _my _words are going to be used without _my _consent? I won't agree to that." I answered bravely, fully understanding why people said that life was unfair.

"Look, it has nothing to do with you Alli. Your words are brilliant. When you speak, everyone wants to hear what you're saying."

"But they don't want to hear it from me because I'm 'too dark.'" I rolled my eyes disgusted at the concept even though I knew just how true it was. I suffered from having an excess of melanin in my skin.

"You know how it is Alli. I'm sorry. Lighter is always better." Mohammed looked at me with pity. "Look, just stay out of the sun and then maybe next semester it'll be less of a problem." As Mohammed walked away, I stood at the desk, stunned with my jaw nearly detaching itself from the rest of my face. To think I used to be in love with that idiot.

* * *

**Claire Edwards**

It really bothered me to know that KC and everyone else knew that I cared about what other people thought. A month into school and people were still making references to the incident. And to a certain point, I still could not understand why everyone laughed.

It _was _a hymn. People are supposed to at least be respectful of different expressions of religious beliefs. And it wasn't like my voice was completely horrible … that was the one thing I could do better than Darcy, besides out-smart her, and now I was praying that my so-called "lovely" voice be taken away.

"Hey niner, sing another hymn for us?" Alli's old crush, Mohammed, mocked me as I clinched my jaw, continuing to walk down the hallway as steady as ever. At least I was at the point where I didn't storm out of the room in tears. At least I was starting _not _to care … right?

"He is the epitome of a jackass." Alli said to me, referring to Mohammed who was off making fun of someone else.

"And you're in love with him."

"_Used _to be." She corrected me. "Look, Claire, I was thinking that just because you had this minor mishap in front of the whole school doesn't mean that you shouldn't run for senate. You should."

"But then I'd be running against you and we'd split the votes." I answered logically, truly terrified about having a repeat performance of that stupid song I sang. It was all KC's fault and by the way … where was KC?

"I'm just running because you backed out. It's not that I don't care about student government, but with both of us as senators Degrassi can really be better. Don't you believe that?"

"Now _you _sound like a really bad political commercial." I responded with a chuckle.

"Smiling? That's good." KC joined the two of us, looking rushed. "What did I miss?"

"Stupid upperclassmen who think they're better than everyone else." Alli answered as I buried my face in my locker for a second. I actually wanted to talk to Alli about some … girl stuff, but now that KC wasn't here I couldn't say what I wanted to say.

And once Leia walked by and I saw the reaction of every guy in the hallway, I was instantly reminded of the type of power that I would never possess … no matter how many books I read or how much smarter I became.

* * *

(A/N: I know it's a little choppy, but I'm trying to not to make other chapters as long as this one. Also, watching the new Degrassi completely threw me off because I envisioned the characters differently … oh well. Make sure to **review**. **Who do you want to hear more about??** –NL)


	3. Kept it Inside

**Chapter Two, Part Two: Kept it Inside Didn't Tell Anyone**

* * *

**~Leia Bai~**

"Okay, girls try-outs are officially over." I announced, relieved that this dance team idea was really getting off the ground. Finally, I was doing something that I wanted to do again. As I sat down to do a few more stretches before leaving the studio, I felt a small tap on my shoulder. "Hi Mia."

"Hi." She sat down next to me, copying my actions by placing the soles of her feet together.

"If you're here to ask me about if you're going to make it or not, that decision is totally _not _up to me." I chuckled. "Mr. Toledo is handling everything."

"I actually wasn't going to mention that, but the anticipation is going to kill me."

"Yeah, that's the one good thing about being the founder of this group. I don't have to wait until Wednesday to find out." I boasted a little bit. "So what's up? What'd you want to talk to me about?"

"This is a little embarrassing but … has Danny said anything to you about me?"

"Like what?"

"Well, I know that you kind of have a thing for him but--"

"Back up and pause. I _what_?" I stretched my legs forward, rolling my ankles. "You think I'm into Danny?" I asked, not expecting a response.

"Yeah, of course. You're always around him." Mia answered.

"That's what best friends do." I explained, sighing. "Are you going to ask me to hook you two up? I can." I offered.

"No." Mia answered shortly, standing up. "Please don't say anything to anyone about this … conversation."

"Okay." I shrugged, still in my own world. I was on this huge adrenaline rush from dancing and everything and it was to the point where I didn't think I could calm it down. The only way to get rid of this was to dance it off … and where did people to go dance, why clubs of course.

* * *

**~Alli Bhandari~**

"So you're not doing Indian Cultural Exchange anymore?" My mother wondered as I shrugged my shoulders. I so did _not _want to be having this conversation, at least not right now. "I thought you liked it honey. You've been talking about it since before you even got to Degrassi."

"Well mom, things change." I sighed, feeling so stupid sitting here with all this extra clothing on when it was 80 degrees outside. I hated wearing hijab all of the time, which is why I took it off when I got to school in the mornings.

I got there so early that no one knew what I was doing, and I was happy to get to wear my shorts and spaghetti strap tanks my mom allowed me to get to wear around the house. The only reason I had to wear hijab now was because Sav had stupidly invited some of his friends over. I stared at my plate the entire time, hoping no one would mention my change in clothing choice.

"I think you should make her stay in ICE." Sav spoke up. "She needs to learn that you just can't quit doing something because it gets too hard."

"_I _think you should butt out Sav." I turned my attention back to my parents. "I'm running for student government and the fashion club and yearbook. There's no time for ICE."

"Since when are you in the fashion club?" Sav wondered, mocking me.

"Since today." I answered, mocking the sound of this voice.

"InshAllah you will be able to do all of it and make us all proud." Dad chimed in as nodded.

"Yes, inshAllah." I smiled quietly. My parents were so old school that they didn't get it. I didn't want to be wrapped in up an abaya, married to some man that I don't even know, just because he's Muslim and I'm Muslim.

Maybe that worked for Sav, but not for me. I want to experience the world, meet other people, places, and things outside of my Indian-Islamic upbringing. I really just want to feel free to do what I want and not what _they _want me to do.

"May I be excused?" I asked, ducking out of the room quickly and dialing up that Asian girl's number … what was her name again? She looked like she knew how to have fun and the last thing I wanted to think about was the fact that I wasn't chosen as a representative for ICE because I was too dark. Bummer.

* * *

**~Armando Felix Gutierrez Martinez-Hassan~**

Practice was brutal, _beyond _brutal. These two-a-days were killing me and it seemed like I was the only one getting a little winded from everything. Coach Jeremiah was no joke. Today, though was supposed to be a special day. Spirit squad was doing something for our team … I didn't even know what spirit squad was, but any news was good news at this point.

I turned to look at the other guys on my team, reminding me of how much I didn't even seemed to fit in even in this group. The only time I felt at ease was when I was playing the game, but coach was telling me that I was too slow, way slow.

"Hey Hassan! Get in there!" Coach Jeremiah yelled. Riley, our quarterback, called out a play that involved me running as fast as I could into the outfield. This wasn't was I did. I wasn't a running back. I was an offensive guard, but here I was making a play that I knew I would miss.

"That's alright gentlemen. Try it again." Coach demanded, looking straight at me with a look that meant _be there or die_.

We ran the play again and again until it was obvious that I wasn't getting any better, but worse. Coach didn't say anything, but rotated my position out to a couple of the other players, who made the play with no problems.

"Good work men." Coach Jeremiah called us all in as we did our little ritual before practice ended. God, I sucked.

"Hey, Hassan get over here a minute."

"Yes coach."

"You're a little slow." He began simply.

"No sir. I've been trying--"

"Trying is not getting there. I've told you time and time again that I don't like excuses. Just get it done, whatever you have to do, whoever you have to call on to do it, you need to get there Hassan."

"Yes sir."

"Next practice, you better be where I tell you to be _when _I tell you." He responded firmly. I nodded and started to walk away. "Wait son, I didn't say dismissed … you owe me a mile. Better start running it now."

By the time I was done with my run, the other guys had already showered and had their locker room talk. I hated that I missed out on who was going what with whom and everything else. I never had anything to say because well, let's face it, I was still pretty much a nobody here, for now.

"Hey dude, tough break out there." Riley gave me a pat on the back. "You know that extra weight is really slowing you down."

"Don't I know it?"

"Well, I had a cousin who was like 400 pounds. He needed to lose the weight and was down two hundred pounds in less than six months."

"I work out every day at practice. I don't think his diet will work for me."

"That's just some pity talk dude. I'll tell him about you and see what he says … what are you like 330?"

"310." I corrected him.

"Hmm. I'll definitely talk to him for you."

We slapped hands as I stripped down to shower.

"Hey hurry up with that dude. The spirit squad is waiting to give us a private show."

When I finally got everything together, I had missed half of the show and was cursing myself for it. The only comfort was that there was only one really hot girl on the squad, Holly J. Sinclair, and that she was looking directly at me.

* * *

**~Alli Bhandari~**

"Are you sure these will get us in?" I whispered to Leia who nodded, barely even looking at me. She totally looked older than us. Twenty-one wouldn't be a stretch for her, but Claire and I barely looked 18. Actually, we barely looked _16_.

"I will take care of everything. Trust me." She promised as we moved up in the line. We were next.

"You three, over here." One of the bouncers pulled us to the side. Oh no, this was bad news. I didn't know if he was going to call our parents or take away our IDs … I'd stolen eighty-dollars from my parents and 10 off of Sav for that ID and the cab over here.

"Hey." Leia breathed coolly as I realized that I knew who this guy was. He used to go to Degrassi.

"I'm not stupid girls. I know babies when I see them."

"We're not babies." Leia chimed in. "We're just trying to have a little fun tonight. These two are newbies to this club and I'm just showing them around."

"Uh-huh." He paused. "Look, I used to go to Degrassi and I know your brother and … your sister." He pointed at me and Claire. The, he shook his head. "Now I could either call your parents or take these IDs from you."

"How about you do neither." Leia offered. "You don't know me, do you? Which means, you have no way of knowing if I am what I say I am or not." She argued, calling out all the information on her card as though it were actually true before he could ask. "Look … Sean." She stopped to read his name tag. "Do me this one favor, please? I swear I'll look out for these two. Just let us in?" She begged, tossing her hair to the side seductively. Now, I could totally see why Danny called her a Pussycat Doll.

"You three better be out before 1am or I'll come in and take you out." He gave in.

"Oh, please do." Leia chuckled as Claire walked behind me stiffly.

"For a moment there, I thought I'd be grounded for life." I sighed in relief.

"I cannot believe that I'm here." Claire whispered to me, angrily.

"You wanted adventure Ms. Edwards. What could be more eventful than a club?" I asked, excited about the experience of it all.

* * *

**~Leia Bai~**

Getting into a club was easy, but getting a drink was a little harder. I worked my charm and managed to get a free drink for me and two cokes for the other girls.

"Wow, you're awesome!" Alli screamed, hugging me as Claire continued to pout. What a buzz kill.

"To looking fabulous and being fabulous." I toasted, taking a few sips of what the bartender had given me. It wasn't very strong, but strong enough to do a little damage. After one and a half of them, I was more than a little tipsy.

Alli and Claire were telling me that it was almost one and that we needed to go, but I wanted that Sean guy to come back. I liked messing with him.

"I see you don't listen." A male voice whispered in my ear as I turned to see the guy I had just been thinking about.

"I've got a hard head … and a soft behind." I joked, continuing to dance to the music. I was hoping that he got the hint, but his tone didn't change.

"I could lose my job for this." He pointed to me and the drink.

"No you won't. I won't let them fire you." I whispered back, taking another sip. "So … you used to go to Degrassi?" I wondered, making small talk. I was getting that feeling again, the same feeling that solidified my bad reputation. But sometimes you just wanted something and for now, Sean was what I was chasing.

"Ancient history."

"Look, I'm not normally like this but … hell, I am, but there's something that I've been wanting to do to you." I admitted, laying down the glass, and staring at this guy. His blue eyes were calling me to him and I was a slave to the alcohol running through my body.

I kissed the side of his face lustfully, pausing before moving to his mouth.

"You're too young." He whispered back, moving out of the way.

"Pretend I'm not. For now." My lips finally met his as we moved onto a full make-out session. What I was feeling right now wanted me to push this farther than just a make-out session. I wanted this dude right here, now.

I reached for his belt, caressing his mid-section instead, pleasantly surprised by what I felt. He was Greek deity perfection.

"Don't." He warned me, pushing my hands away from his belt. I stopped kissing Sean, and looked at him accusingly. "You have to get out of here, now."

I fought against the drunk side of me that wanted to argue with him and make this a huge ordeal but instead I shut up. I let Alli and Claire pull me away, staring at Sean the entire time. I was pissed. I was going back to the old Leia and even worse ... before I held the power, but now I was feeling so helpless, so out of control.

I threw the closest glass I saw on the ground, but that didn't hit the spot. I tried to find something else ... and before I knew it, I was bawling my eyes out, and then later recounting the whole story to Danny.

* * *

**~Claire Edwards~**

Going to that club was one of the dumbest things I had done, the stupidest things ever. It wasn't Leia acting all promiscuous and then getting us into a club with people almost ten years older than us that freaked me out. Rather, it was what I had traded in for tonight. K.C. talked to me and he asked me out on a real date, not some school-sponsored event, but a one-on-one date.

I couldn't take it so I flaked on him at the last minute, but I never really said yes _or _no in the beginning. I just blushed shyly. He was so excited about spending time with me, but I didn't understand that, _any _of that. I'm just a normal girl, beyond normal ... I'm sort of plain.

And I didn't know what was goign to happen or what to expect. What do people _do _when they go out on dates? What about the awkward moments and everything and what would I possibly have to say to him that I couldn't say at school?

I could always ask Alli because she seemed to know everything there was to know about things, even if she went about it the wrong way, she knew. I on the other hand was clueless and I didn't want to seem like even more of a loser than normal, so I kept my mouth shut. When Alli came up with plans for us this weekend, like she always did, I went along with it.

Now, I knew it was a bad idea, but I felt really guilty so I dialed K.C's number before it was too late to hang up.

"I'm sorry." I blurted out as soon as the ringing stopped.

"Claire?"

"I'm sorry to call you in the middle of the night, but I'm really sorry K.C."

"For what?"

"For bailing on you ..." I retold him the entire story as the conversation drifted onto something more light-hearted and comfortable. This was nice.

* * *


	4. Get it Together

**Chapter Three: Get it together**

(A/N: Before you read this, make sure and review and give me some feedback. Love it? Hate it? Is it boring you? Tell me so at least I know you read it... --NL)

* * *

**Alli Bhandari**

I rushed up into my room, running with such force that my hijab was falling off. I had gotten my hands on it, finally. "Light, white, and right pigment correction." I read out loud to myself. I felt a sense of urgency arise in my body.

I was so ready to put it on then and there, as if somehow my skin would magically start to lose its pigmentation. Even if it did work instantly, ICE had already elected someone else to go to the convention on behalf of our chapter, Shahela.

I closed my eyes, imagining how different things would be for me if I favored my mom more and my dad less. I could be like one of the girls in the Bollywood movies, like the Indian Beyonce or Tyra Banks. Total awesomeness.

I dipped my finger into the canister, not even bothering to read the instructions. Instead of applying the cream immediately, my phone started to ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, its Leia … I'm really sorry about what happened. I was so stup--"

"It was cool. Just … lay off on the drinks next time." I cut her off, anxious to get started on something that was a little more important.

"Yeah, so you wanna go back there next weekend?" She offered as I held back a laugh. She was way crazier than I had imagined.

"Claire would never go for that. She about died after you got those free drinks." I answered. "By the way … _how _did you do that?"

"Feminine charm." She joked. "I think we'd be better leaving Ms. Edwards behind anyway…" Her voice trailed off as I left it at that.

"Cool." I responded looking back at the bleaching cream that was calling my name. "I'll see you at school then okay?"

**Armando Felix Gutierrez Martinez-Hassan**

Holly Sinclair. She was the best-looking thing I had seen in a while. Maybe it was because most of the Degrassi girls were brunettes, but I was digging the blonde hair and how tight her cute little body looked in that cheer uniform.

I knew that once my transformation took off, she would totally be into me but I couldn't wait until then. I really wanted to get to know her … now, so I pulled some strings and basically memorized her schedule. Not the smoothest thing I could come up with, but I was really into her.

So when Monday morning came I rushed to her third period class, waiting at my locker and hoping for the right chance to talk to her. As I opened my locker, I nearly tripped over something beneath my feet.

"Want to watch where you're going?" A petite brunette griped, standing up as I looked at her speechless.

"I'm sorry."

"And obviously suffering from delayed reaction syndrome." She rolled her eyes. "Let me guess … you're on the football team?" She shook her head in disgust as my defenses went up.

"Now let me guess, you're a stoner skater chick? Didn't anyone tell you that the '80s are over?" I commented, referring to her big hair and combination of fishnets and long shorts. What was this girl?

"No, but I see fat and _stupid _are still in." She answered, scowling at me. This chick kept me preoccupied long enough to miss my chance with Holly J. I could see her tight little body bouncing down the hallway as if she owned it, and to me, she did.

"Better go chase after your cheerleader." The other girl commented as I took her advice, fast run-walking towards Holly. I had to catch up with her.

"Excuse me." I said to person after person until I was almost directly behind her.

"So is it just me or does Mia totally suck as Captain? I soo should've gotten that title." I heard her gripe to her friend Anya. I just trailed behind them closely, waiting for my moment, but then a blonde guy showed up and their attention went to them.

I chickened out and watched from the sidelines. That could be me. That _should _be me. I took out my cell phone and sent a message to Riley. '_did u get that stuff from ur cuz? need some asap.' _

**Leia Bai**

"And these are some pictures that Claire and Alli so kindly took of me … and here's some video." I showed Danny everything. "I swear, I'm so sorry for calling you up all hysterical and shit. I was so … gone and I didn't even pre-game." I explained to him after football practice was over.

This time, I was waiting for him in _his _hiding place and not the other way around. Believe you me, I would only go into the deep depths of the very smelly boys locker room for a true friend.

"You could get in big trouble for hanging out here." Danny said, flipping through the pictures on my laptop with a huge grin on his face. "These are awesome."

"Okay, okay. That's enough. You're supposed to be telling me that I'm slipping on my game, not congratulating me for my club outburst." I rolled my eyes, closing the top to the computer. "Let's go already."

"Fine, but I want more details."

"What more do you want to know?" I asked as Danny tossed his gym bag over his shoulder. "I hooked up with some guy who used to go here who's like seven years older than me, and I almost did him on the dance floor in front of everyone."

"Yet, you're going back to that club."

"I have to. I need to talk to this dude." I explained.

"Why?"

"Because I came off as a sloppy drunk and that's not me. And I threw myself all over him when I didn't have to." I answered with a sigh. It didn't help that this guy was totally hot and that I completely wanted to finish what I started … deep down. So far, I was doing good though.

Besides the club guy, I hadn't kissed or hooked up with anyone. The only guy in my life for the last month was Danny and there was nothing going on there.

"You want him." Danny smirked. "I can tell … you said he used to go here?"

"Yeah, we actually got a picture of him." I answered, neglecting to say that I had added it to my "wall of hotness". He was right in between Mario Lopez and Kasar from Big Brother. Ultimate hotness! I hopped into Danny's car, opened up the laptop and flipped until I found one of him.

"I can't see anything, because your face is smashed into his." Danny complained.

"Okay, then …" I flipped some more until I found a clear one. "See?"

"No way … you hooked up with Sean Cameron."

"So? Is that bad?" I wondered, confused.

"That's my sister's best friend's ex-boyfriend." He laughed. "And you're right. He's like 7 years older than you."

"But he's really hot." I admitted as Danny frowned, turning away from me. He hated whenever I talked about how hot someone was, unless I was talking about so girl he was into, he got mad. "I know you hate this, but I can just like imagine the feel of his arms around my body … but it's just imagining."

"Sure Leia."

"I'm serious. I've been so good so far. Founder of dance team, All As and Bs … well maybe just Bs, but that's cool. This is my year."

* * *

**Armando Felix Gutierrez Martinez-Hassan**

"You don't have to stop walking. I know you've been following me." An all too familiar voice chilled my spine. Holly J. This isn't how I wanted our first face to face talk to be. I'd started using that stuff that Riley got for me, but I'd only lost fifteen pounds. Hardly anything to talk about when I was so close to being 300 pounds again.

"I-I'm sorry."

"So I've got a stuttering fool breathing down my back?" She eyed by coolly. "Save your fantasies for someone who's desperate enough to need them."

"Look, I wasn't following you." I lied, trying to muster up some dignity.

"No. You just became my shadow and now you're back to your normal self." Holly J. responded, looking me up and down. "What are you like … new here?"

"Yeah, I'm actually on the football--"

"Save it. I didn't mean for you to answer that." She shrugged. "Look, if I ever catch you following me around again or speaking to me with that slurry Spanish accent again, I'll turn the whole school against you so quickly that you'll never be able to live it down, got it?"

"Yeah. I--"

"Good. Now run along chubbo." She smirked as I tightened my jaw. I felt so stupid and embarrassed at this moment. I wanted to pound something, hit _anything_, but I couldn't show my anger. Not now, not yet … what the hell, I could.

I waited until Holly J. was gone and then pounded the shit out of the lockers next to me. It was way after 5:30 and mostly everyone was gone, or so I thought.

"Crazy much?" The same annoying chick from a few days ago, interrupted my outburst.

"What are you still doing here?"

"Stalking Holly J., just like you." She paused, looking at me and waiting for a response. "As Spanish Club board member, I have to seek out members and your name came up. You're a Spanish tutor … you _are _Armando, right?"

"I go by Felix."

"Okay … Fefe it is." She smirked. "Here's a flier. We're meeting up to plan a big Hispanic Heritage Carnival thing. We need lots of people that speak Spanish. There aren't a lot here so--"

"Do you even speak Spanish?"

"I speak better Spanish that the most Spaniardized Spaniard. I just spent the last four years of my life studying in Spain." She answered. "So … can I count on you to be there or not?"

"Look, I don't know, football is--"

"No one is going to care about football in a couple of months. We're reaching out the Spanish-speaking community and planning a boatload of stuff to help people learn French and English. Now, you're either a part of it or not."

"Yeah. Whatever." I agreed, shrugging off my anger from earlier.

* * *

**Leia Bai**

I was doing the most teeny-bopper-ish thing ever by showing up here. But I'd brought along thing new chick I ran into for reinforcements. Angie. She was pretty relaxed about a lot of stuff, a little too philanthropic for me, but very non-judgmental.

She didn't even give me the 10th degree about where we were going. Angie just went with the flow. "Do you want me to come in?"

"You can, but it'll just take a second."

"I'll be in … that store." She pointed to some random shop I had never noticed before, but I just shrugged and continued my way back to the club. I was surprised that I could remember where it was. I was so intoxicated that night, in a completely bad way.

"Excuse me can you tell me where … Sean Cameron is? I called to see if he was working today." I asked the first man I saw, looking completely disheveled and I knew it. I looked like Dirty Dancing gone bad, but dance team practice ran a little long today.

"Yeah, he's right there…" The guy pointed me in his direction. "But we have an age limit here and … you're too young for this club."

"It's not even fully open yet." I complained, looking at my cell phone. It was a little after seven. The guy held his hands up and shrugged. "Fine, well then can you have him come out?"

"I'm only half surprised to see you here. If you're trying to get in tonight--" Sean began, but I stopped him soon after.

"I'm not. I came by because what I did was so … embarrassing and I didn't want you to think that it's what I do all the time. It's not." I explained, pressing my lips together nervously. That's not what I wanted to say to him.

"You drove across town to tell me this?"

"I actually didn't drive." I looked down for a second. If I said I didn't have my license yet, he would know I was super young, but if I just altered the truth a little bit. "I came with my friend Angie. We rode down here together."

"Okay. Apology accepted." Sean shrugged as if it were done, but it wasn't. I didn't want it to be.

"And you're right about getting in again." I added. "But this time, no drinking for me. Please … I'll be eighteen in like three months." I explained lying so naturally that it seemed to be a genuine truth.

"See you in November then." He started to walk away, his tight biceps disappearing from my view.

"No, please. Look, I promise not to go crazy this time. Just tell me … when do you work again?"

"Saturday." Sean shook his head as if he couldn't believe he was falling for this and honestly, neither could I.

"Will you let me and a couple of friends in again?" I asked as he shrugged.

"Depends on if you come up with better IDs or not." He answered back, continuing to walk away. I was seeing this as another adventure, a fun chase for a hot prize.

* * *

**Review...**


	5. Look How They Shine For You

**Chapter Four: Look How They Shine For You **

(A/N: Thanks to Olivia Hollywood for exuding pure awesomeness and reviewing my work. I appreciate it a lot!! I'm trying to update this every week or every two weeks, so here's the next part. Hope you enjoy it!! –NL)

* * *

**Armando Felix Gutierrez Martinez-Hassan **

That girl was annoying as all hell, but she made sense, or maybe I just had nothing better to do, but I was sitting at the Spanish Club general body meeting with a bunch of chicks around me. Normally, I'd be psyched but since my ordeal with Holly J., my status had gone from completely invisible to creepy stalker. No girl wanted to even make eye contact with me.

I sat, wringing my hands, and leaning forward nearly over my knees, trying to look relaxed and engaged. It was hard to be involved when everyone else was sitting on the other side, _away _from you. Finally, the meeting started as I tried to put on my tough guy, New Jersey exterior, hoping no one could see how vulnerable I really felt.

They didn't. Soon after, the girl from the locker commenced the meeting, in _Spanish_, paying particular attention to me. Please, she was practically a gringo who just happened to pick up my native tongue on the way to school. Big deal.

After the meeting, I found myself to be the first at the door. I didn't sign any lists, sign up for anything, or bother to talk to anyone. I just wanted to leave.

"Surprised to see you here." The girl from earlier came up to me. "I'm Angie."

"Fel--"

"I remember you. Fefe, right?" She smirked. "Holly J. really butchered your rep. Sorry about that." She apologized as I shrugged. "Aren't you going to sign up to do any of the events… school sleepover, adopt a student, ESL?"

"I've gotta get to football practice."

"That's really original. Call us when you get some cajones." She answered back as I kept walking, angrily. This whole day made me want to break someone's face in half. Since I couldn't do that, I did the next best thing … I swallowed one of those pills Riley got for me and headed to work off the fat. I was really starting to disgust myself.

* * *

**Leia Bai**

"Mama, I think I deserve a night off." I rationed, trying to find a way to get out of this 'family night.' The idea of spending a precious Friday night with the family, when I could be out making fun of people with Danny, bored me to tears.

Why was I cursed with such a conservative family?

"What do you need to go out on a Friday night for?" Mom asked as I shook my head.

"For reasons you wouldn't understand." I muttered, my eyes shifting to Tiyo, who was enjoying this way too much. "Am I the only one forced into this or does Tiyo have to go too?"

"Sorry. Can't. Homecoming committee." He lied as I rolled my eyes. He could get away with anything and I stupidly decide to tell the truth for once and it bites me in the butt.

"Mama, what if I join Homecoming committee? Hao ba?" I wondered, hoping the gesture was sufficient enough without me having to be responsible for anything like that.

"Bù shì. Liqiu, zhei ge xing qi wu, ni bu neng qu …" She answered, refuting everything I just suggested, telling me that I was stuck here tonight, and _then _recounting to me a short Chinese proverb about … well, I don't remember what it was about because I was only half-listening.

"Fine." I folded my arms over my chest, pouting for half a second until I decided to call Danny and see what his plans were.

"What are you blowin up my phone for?" He answered immediately as I grinned, shaking my head. Danny was still trying to get with American slang and it just sounded wrong with his voice, especially when he said 'mamis.'

"I'm stuck here tonight so no wingman for you."

"Wingman? What do you mean? You cut into my game."

"As if you have any!"I shouted back playfully.

"On the real, I'm tryna get with Mia and she thinks you're into me."

"Not one of these insecure chicks. Are you serious? We just hang out, but I can back off for a little bit if you need it. I've got other friends." I swallowed small-ly, hoping Danny couldn't hear the uncertainty in my voice.

"Naw. You my dawg."

"For real?"

"Yeah. Me and you for life." Danny replied back, his 'normal' voice returning. He did that in and out thing a lot.

"Cool. But tomorrow is Lady's Night, okay? We'll do something Sunday?"

"Fo sho."

* * *

**Alli Bhandari **

There was like this huge sense of adventure doing what I was doing … well, I was doing more than one thing I shouldn't but the thrill of it wowed me. First, there was the whole hijab at home, short shorts at school and then, this bleaching cream which was starting to work … unless I imagined it all, and of course me hanging out with Leia. The most outrageous thing that I was doing had nothing to do with clothing, cream, or a wild girl but the internet.

Over the last couple of days, I found myself on this site to "learn languages." I went there originally because I wanted quick answers for my Spanish class, but I found some cool guys on it, which led me to another website.

It was for young Muslims just like me. My mom would freak out if she knew what I was doing. She and dad had already picked out a wife for Sav, and he's not even eighteen yet. I wasn't sure if they were still looking for someone for me, or if they had found him, but I had some plans of my own.

I really just wanted to at least be able to 'date', which is so not acceptable for a young Muslim girl like me, but I wanted to see what was out there before I agreed to and committed to anyone. Maybe I would fall in love with someone else and tell my parents to back off.

Or maybe, after all my searching, I would find out that they were right and marry Mr. Mystery Man by default. I just did not want to be a person who lived their life based on what someone else told them was right.

I wasn't always so defiant. I used to do exactly what my family said when they said it, but finding out that my mom had gone against her parents' wishes, and married my father for her _own _sake and happiness, really put things into perspective.

So as a part of my secret defiance and rebellion, I was doing everything I possibly could to push the boundaries without going too far. I was still Muslim after all which meant devotion and submission to Allah above all, peace, zakat, etc. . In teenage terms that meant being a goody-good, no drinking, smoking, sex having, trash talking … but that didn't mean that I couldn't have some normal fun.

Part of that normal fun, for now, consisted of me talking to random Muslim guys online, who were probably rebelling against the same standards as me except … it was always easier being a man, not just in the Muslim community, but the Canadian community as well and the world—but the computer was my domain and I was going to dominate it.

I opened up my member inbox to see that it was filled with about 20 messages from different guys. I had been a little busy with my campaign speech so I hadn't gotten to check this in a couple of days … not bad.

I scrolled down until I found a name that caught my eyes. Dark_arabian_knights08. The "s" part of knight always threw me off. Was it one guy who had this account or was he sharing with a couple of friends? A brother, a _girlfriend_ even?

I wondered that, but I was never going to ask. Instead, I decided to check the message to see what was going on.

'habibati princesa, i saw your profile and it says you are canadian like me. i couldn't pass up the opportunity to talk to you. mostly everyone here writes in farsi or arabic, so it's cool we have english in common. and the french thing too … maybe? hit me back with a message when you can. by the way … what are you doing on this site? ~Dark_arabian_knights08.'

His message wasn't too interesting, but I still wanted to know more about this boy, so I clicked on his profile. 16 years old … born in December, which meant that … I might have to do some research on astrology just to see if he and I were compatible.

It turns out that he's a Sagittarius and I'm an Aquarius, which is a very interesting and workable pair, I was guessing. The blog I found went way into too much detail, so I decided to take the easy way out by checking out his profile and writing something back.

'Hey dark knights … its princesa here. Glad you wrote me. I keep getting messages from 30 and 40 year old men and that's sort of creepy. Canada rules (just had to put that in there). What's up with you? I see that you love to laugh which is one of my favorite pastimes. I'm on this site because it's another way for me to find my own way. I'd love to meet more Muslims, there aren't too many here that I know, and it's just cool to meet new people … I don't know. Hey, do you have the chat thing installed? Let's IM.'

I sent the message and closed the top to Sav's laptop, which he didn't know that I was borrowing, smiling to myself. Things were coming together. Now, I just had to apply some more of that cream … two more times today exactly and no one would be able to tell me anything.

* * *

**Leia Bai**

I sat directly across from Chen Da Wei and couldn't be more pissed about it. This was a date. My mom was holding me hostage here so that she could try and force this … loser dude on me. I couldn't believe it. It was so obvious that he had never been anywhere or done anything and he just kept looking at me and grinning with this sweet, unassuming smile.

I had to hold back a gag. Not only was I not going to _date _this guy, but I couldn't be _seen _with him. He was pathetic. I pushed around the food my mom had made, an attempt at my favorite American foods, macaroni and cheese with chicken nuggets, but she got it wrong and cooked _fish _nuggets instead.

I tried to eat as quickly as I could, hoping that it would expedite the process, but no. Da Wei just went on and on and on about school, mom chimed in, and Kai-ying seemed pleased by the entire ordeal. Tiyo, as usual, got out of this one. Lucky.

As soon as Kai-ying offered to clear the table, and mom went to help her out, I knew they were listening in. This was so embarrassing.

"So … do you always go by Da Wei?" I asked, mocking him but the poor thing was so clueless that he didn't get it.

"Da Wei hai shi David." He answered, continuing with the Chinese.

"Yingwen." I muttered in monotone as David started to speak in English.

I nodded, pretending to listen secretly waiting for tomorrow night. That was when the fun would begin. After about five minutes of his monologue, I stood up abruptly. "Well, nice to meet you." I gave him a slight bow, running up to my room and not caring whether or not I was being rude.

* * *

**Armando Felix Gutierrez Martinez-Hassan **

I had one more hour until I was done. I had already been running for two hours, but it wasn't good enough. It wasn't enough. My clothes were starting to fit loosely on me and I knew that I would have to go out and buy new ones, but for now I had to prove how different I was.

I had to be better than this machine, conquer it and not be conquered. If I could just work a little harder, a little longer.

"Tired yet?" Hana appeared my side as soon as the other person hopped off the machine. I had met her at the gym since becoming a 'gym rat.' It was pretty cool to be around a chick that didn't freak out when I was around.

"I don't get tired." I clinched my jaw and tried to stay focused.

"Well, I've been here for about an hour already and you haven't moved from this spot hebibi." She continued. "Something wrong?"

"No. Just focused."

"Okay, I'll stay here and be focused with you." She offered, starting to warm up on the treadmill. After about twenty minutes of silence, Hana started talking to me again. She did that every time we crossed paths at the gym. "So, how's school?"

"Sucks."

"It's high school. It can't be that bad." She probed.

"High school only works if you're beautiful and popular. I'm neither." I explained, upset that I had let my guard down a little and sounded so … like a depressed white suburban teenager.

"Looks like you need a little pick me up." Hana responded. "How long are you gonna be here?

"As long as it takes." I uttered, running faster and faster until the machine started beeping sporadically. "Damn it." I cursed, hopping to the sides of the machine and giving it one slight punch with my left fist.

"Did you break my machine again?" Hana wondered, sliding her hands across the buttons as if to fix it. "Yep … needs serious repairing."

"It broke itself." I whispered, trying to catch my breath and calmed down. I looked around to see that all the other machines were taken. I shrugged. "Weight room?" I offered as Hana happily hopped off the treadmill and followed me to the other part of the gym. I didn't even know why she came here so often and actually _worked out_. Seriously, everything about her was fit and tight, not that I was looking or anything. Hana was 31 years old, married, and way out of my league…

"You know I'm gonna add that to your tab, right?"

"Yeah. How much do I owe you now?" I joked back, wiping the sweat off my face. I liked how Hana didn't treat me like I was diseased. If she was like this with all her customers, I could definitely see why the place was always packed.

"Weight room?" Hana wondered, helping to spot me as usual.

"You should be a … personal trainer." I suggested as she added more and more weight to the bar that I was lifting.

"I'm doing this because I know you can do it. You could probably lift this entire shelf." Hana replied, referring to the unused weights.

"Yeah, if I was the hulk." I groaned, taking a breather for a second.

"I'm serious. I've watched a lot of people go in and out of my gym, but I've never seen anyone rip through the gym, and my machines the way you do. You must be either really focused or really pissed about something."

"Neither. I don't believe in being the weak link." I admitted as we continued through the rest of the weight room in almost silence. When I grabbed my towel, ready to leave, Hana fell into step with me.

"You need to do something fun. Get out of work mode." She offered. "And I know of just the place."

"What about your job? Don't you have to watch out for what's going on here?"

"Even the boss lady needs a break." She explained. "Let's go hebibi."

**LATER THAT NIGHT**

I found myself at this party that I had been invited to, not personally but by default. All of the football players were told to come, but I was the only one who had shown up alone. I was honestly getting so tired of … everything.

I put up a good front though, and with the big red cup in my hands, mirroring the gestures that everyone else around me was taking, no one would even know how alone a truly was. At least at this party, there was a mixed crew of people.

And many of the girls were too intoxicated to care about the rumor mill Holly J. had going on about me. That girl was just so maddening sometimes, but it was that tenacity, that fire and pure … _meanness _that drew me to her. A person that closed off and hated was probably deeper than everyone around them, which was why they lashed out … at least that's what we'd been told in psychology, sort of.

So with such an allure to her was it really any use that I was taking small sips of "magical punch" and looking for Ms. Sinclair herself? I was so enraptured by my ongoing quest that I didn't even notice that the contents of my cup had found a new place to expand and settle, besides my stomach.

"Watch it!" A shrieking voice yelled, panicked.

"Shit … I am so …"

"Do _not _say sorry." She answered, rushing to the kitchen as I followed behind to help her.

"_You_?" I wondered, accusingly, as I realized who is was. Angela, again.

"Do you think fate could be more obvious?" She asked, trying to soak up the beer on her shirt with a series of paper towels.

"Fate?"

"Obviously we keep running into each other a reason. Or maybe you're just too clumsy and you do this with most or all girls at Degrassi, which would explain why there's a big anti-Fefe campaign going on." She joked.

"What?"

"I'm glad you came to one Spanish club meeting, but I haven't seen you back. Got scared?"

"No, I told you football comes first."

"You have priorities, that's great but you're not happy. Anyone can see that."

"What?" I folded my arms over my chest. This girl either had too much booze or she was just a lunatic.

"If you're not happy with how things are then just change it. Start with yourself and work your way out."

"Who said I wasn't happy?"

"It's written all over you."

"Butt out." I shot back, leaving my half empty cup on the counter. This place was sucking, definitely. I knew just the place to turn this night around, the gym. And it definitely helped knowing that I would get to see Hana again.

* * *

**Alli Bhandari **

When we walked up to the door of the club and saw that the same guy from earlier wasn't there, my heart nearly dropped. Was this going to be a repeat of a couple of weekends ago? I was hoping so. My parents hadn't realized that I'd stolen from them yet but they were bound to.

Leia approached him, as confident as ever, like a lioness completely in control of the situation. I envied that in her. I didn't think I would ever be so … secure in myself to the point where I could make everyone believe I was okay when I really wasn't.

She gave a name to the bouncer as he told us to wait on the side. I gave her a worried look, afraid that if I opened my mouth, I'd be the cause of us not getting in. I didn't even know why I was here. Last time Leia had gone crazy getting intoxicated, leaving me and Claire to stand in the corner wondering what to do with her.

Now, Claire had decided not to go and the other girl Leia invited had canceled on us at the last minute. It was just she and I and the buddy system was not going to work with us. She didn't like to be confined to a single space for too long, I could tell, but I was feeling so … out of my element here.

As we waited, I made a quick call to Claire, hoping that she would change her mind. She didn't.

"Trying to ditch me tonight?" Leia wondered, coolly, watching the people that were behind us in the line now go in ahead of us.

"No, but I just realized that it's just us two--"

"Meaning?"

"Last time you went off Leia, which is fine, but this is a pretty huge club and I don't have anyone to stick around with me." I complained.

"Fine then. I'll call Angie. You don't know her that well, but I do. You two can stick together since you don't trust me not to leave you behind." Leia explained, convincing this girl to come to the club easily. "Do you want me to wait out here with you for her?"

"No. I should be fine." I shrugged.

"Hey, dude what's up? You called." Sean rushed out of the club looking hurried and unlike he did the last time the three of us had seen him. He was more … relaxed.

"These girls say that you have them on the list. I just want to make sure--"

"It's cool. They're with me."

"Oh yeah, about that. We've got a late comer, Angie. Can Alli just wait outside and vouch for her. Is that cool?" Leia stepped in as the men exchanged glances. Sean finally shrugged and Leia followed him in excitedly. "See you inside." She whispered to me, bubbling with happiness.

Once she left I realized that … I had no idea who this _Angie _person was. So how was I going to pick her out in a crowd of over-made-up, flamboyant teens?

* * *

**Leia Bai**

"Are you trying to get me fired?" Sean scolded me as I started dancing immediately. I could care less about what he said at this moment because I was so into the music. It was as if my body was molding itself to the melody, rendering me powerless to his intoxicating force. "Are you listening?"

"I said I was going to be here and I showed up. What's to be mad about?" I finally answered, closing my eyes for a second to see if I could get that feeling back.

"You're bringing another girl. Now _that _concerns me."

"Don't worry. No one is a crazy as me." I assured him.

"No bar for you this time." He demanded coming dangerously close to me, later being dragged away by another girl and leaving me on the dance floor alone. Luckily I wasn't shy. When I heard music, I just had to move and when I moved, I always made a spectacle of myself.

This time, that spectacle involved me doing for pirouettes in coupe and dropping into a straddle split. A crowd gathered around me and the guy I was dancing with as we switched from a more hip hop style to a sultry Salsa dance.

As he twirled me around left and right, I felt the air blowing against my face and smiled in delight … I was home, in a domain where no one told me what to do and no one judged me. The only thing that mattered was how well I allowed the music to take control over me.

After what seemed like only five minutes of dancing, but it must've been at least an hour, my partner tired and I switched to another. A few moments later I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to see who it was. Sean.

"It's almost one." He warned as I continued moving, taking his hands in mine and pulling him onto the dance floor. "I don't dance."

"That's okay. I'll make you look good. Promise." I turned my back to him, still holding his hands while swaying my hips left and right. My body was so close to his that I thought I felt the hairs on his skin and everything in between.

"Leia…" He mumbled as I nodded and dropped his hands for a second. I turned around to face him, giving him a smile before turning back around and really grinding my body into his. This felt really good … so good. Almost as good as sex good. I could feel his body relax for a second and then tense up as he backed away.

I kept moving, hoping that no one witnessed my embarrassing display. "What's wrong?" I asked, innocently.

"Leia don't play these games. You know I can't…"

"Sorry. Can't hear you." I lied, reaching for his hands again as I felt another guy's hands my waist. It was my dance partner from earlier. "Let's go somewhere and talk." I offered, biding the other guy goodbye and following Sean. I didn't know whether or not he was agreeing to my terms, but I didn't care. He led me to a quiet_er _room connected to the club where even VIPS didn't get to see. And I could tell why. It had a warehouse feel about it.

"You need to leave." Sean told me, clinching his jaw as I took a seat beside him.

"Why are you so uptight? No one's looking for me. My parents don't know I'm gone. My friends are … somewhere not causing any trouble. I've been good tonight. I mean I've just been dancing."

"_Just dancing_? Leia, we were close enough to be having sex on the dance floor."

"In your opinion." I looked down for a moment feeling like stupid little school girl in love with her older sister's college-aged boyfriend who didn't love her back. Major bummer.

"My opinion is that you're too young."

"For what? You don't even know how old I am and I'm not asking for you to do anything _illegal _with me, okay? I just thought you were cool."

"I'm not cool. You keep playing these games Leia and it's not cool. You may not be verbally asking me to do anything, but the way you've been dancing with me and what you're wearing says it all."

"I thought rompers were in." I commented, looking at him seductively.

"They're not. If you come by here again, I'll have to throw you out, you know that."

"Such a buzz kill." I rolled my eyes moving away from him for the first time tonight.

"Does that mean you're leaving now?"

"That means that I would _like _to leave, but since your men didn't let any of my friends in, I have no way of leaving." I explained with a sigh. I knew I could always call Danny, but he'd want a play by play and I was starting to think that Sean was a lost cause.

"Sucks for you." He stood up, starting to walk away.

"Wait." I called out. "Can you take me home?"

"Why does that sound like a pick up line?" He clinched his jaw again and it was such a sexy gesture that I almost lost my cool.

"It can be if you want it to be." I smiled. "Kidding." I added quickly, noticing that he was less than amused. "Look, don't make me beg. If you say no I'll have to walk home in these heels and in this outfit. Could you imagine what would happen to a girl like me?"

"You'll survive."

"Fine." I rolled my eyes and stopped playing the victim. I was never really good at it anyway. "I'll just call my mom and tell her where I am and how I got in. She'll be so happy to know that underage girls can get in so easily."

"So you're admitting that you're too young for this place?" Sean wondered, unfolding his arms.

"I've already told you that I'll be eighteen in November." I explained. "So what will it be … my over-protective mom coming here and you getting into a shitload of trouble or will you just drop me off?"

"Whatever."

Alli Bhandari

Waiting outside the club was pure agony. The other girl showed up, I didn't know her name, but by that time the bouncer wasn't letting anyone else in. I tried to get a message to Leia, but she didn't get it and I was so ready to leave.

"So, how are we getting home?" The other girl asked as I shrugged. I had been thinking the very same thing and wondering if we should wait on Leia. "We can't leave Leia here."

"Why not? She left us out here waiting for her and now the club's so packed that they're turning people away." I complained. The real problem wasn't Leia. There was a lot of other stuff going on.

"Do you have money for a cab?" The girl asked, still not bothering to say her name and I didn't bother to ask it. Her fish net tights told me everything that I needed to know about her.

"I don't … which is why I'm hoping Leia will come out of here at any moment."

"Well, I can get us out of here." She offered, telling me about this place she knew of a few doors down and I shrugged in indifference. I couldn't very well stay here, could I?

The short-haired brunette lead me into a building that looked like it hadn't been opened in years.

"No one's in there."

"Yes they are. It's a 24/7 shop. The family that owns it lives here."

"And what would you know about Leaves and Breeze?" I wondered, thinking that the name and the symbols on this place was super creepy, even more creepy than being on a dark street with a stranger.

"I go here all the time." The girl did some weird code knock on the door and it opened for us with a hooded stranger peering from the other side of the door.

"Angie … step in. We're just about to be done…"

"We need a--" Angie, started to say.

"Actually, she just needs to use a phone. You _do _have a working phone, don't you?" I wondered as the two of them ignored me and the door opened up fully, snatching us into the light from the inside.

"We'll get someone to take you two home, but first … come join us." The woman beckoned Angie to join the circle, which she did. I watched in horror as the group took turns stabbing a half-dead squirrel and then using the same knife to prick their own blood. "Alli … join us."

I took a step back, trying to decide when and how I was doing to run. But I knew I'd never make it. I tried to stay calm.

"No thanks." I said politely, pretending not to notice their gruesome act and instead, sending Sav a quick text message in case I didn't turn up alive after tonight. I told him where I was. Who I was with and begged for him to come and get me.

* * *

**Leia Bai**

"I'm gonna ask you something." I admitted, letting my hair down. It fell over my shoulders in half-waves and I could feel Sean noticing me out of the corner of his eye. "If I was eighteen, would things be different?"

"What?"

"I mean would we have hooked up by now?" I wondered, bluntly, crossing my legs on top of the seat.

"I don't know." He shrugged.

"Yeah, you do. Seriously, what went through your mind tonight when we were dancing together?"

"I don't remember."

"Of course you do. You were thinking about how good I felt." I answered for him. "And that's okay. I was thinking the same thing about you."

"Whatever." He turned the music up higher. "Why is everything so sexual when it comes to you?"

"I'm not trying to be that way. I just am. And I say what's on my mind." I almost yelled over the song that was playing.

"Think of something else then."

"Fine, I'm done with the club scene." I admitted. "Do you know how many sketchy guys tried to grope me tonight? It was kind of funny and so ridiculous. They gave me their numbers and everything like I'm going to call guy who touched my ass first, and then number two, and number three…" My voice trailed off as I chuckled.

"Why is that funny?"

"Because the one guy that I would actually _consider _calling thinks I'm this dumb kid."

"I don't."

"Well, I'm not. I really just came tonight to kick it with you." I confessed, some of Danny's weird slang rubbing off on me. "So, there's just one more thing on my mind … I know I'm _young_. Forget that. So are you. But … I want to see you again and not in the club scene. I want to talk about real shit, stuff besides sex and how good I am in bed." I finished a little too bluntly. "Sorry about that last part." I said immediately. Everything _was _sexual with me when I was thinking the things I was thinking about Sean.

"If I agree will you stop stalking me?"

"You _wish_." I rolled my eyes. "I haven't been stalking you babe. And I'll back down when I see that you're a lost cause."

* * *

**Jimmy Brooks**

Here I was on the steps of Degrassi. This was the first time I had been on the actual steps, my _feet _touching the ground, since grade 11 when everything changed for me. But now, I was back, at least for little while.

The surgeries that I had undergone to be able to do what I'm doing now, standing, were definitely risky, but they hadn't cost me my life. Just a few hundred thousand dollars. I'd had four unsuccessful surgeries, but this last one, number five, did something to me.

It made me normal again. But with this normalcy came the price of missing a year of university, my first year. So until I was healed enough from these intrusions into my body, I was stuck playing Mr. Degrassi again. It was okay though because it wasn't like I wasn't taking any classes or like I'd be stuck here forever.

Online courses made things super easy, meaning that my history, science, math, and humanities general education courses were all taken care of. And when I'd go back to university, I'd have a leg up everyone.

For now, I was confined to the attendance office at Degrassi, doing office work while trying to let my body heal…

* * *

(A/N: I'm now accepting reviews from everyone so leave one anonymously if you'd like. I've already written chap. 5 and it should be up within two weeks. --NL)


	6. Look Right Through Me

**Chapter Five: Look Right Through Me**

* * *

**Alli Bhandari**

"Before we get in the house tell me what the hell you were doing on this side of town at this time of night." Sav demanded as I rolled my eyes.

"If you're going to play mom-dad detective I'll just fess up to them so I don't have to hear it _three times_."

"Alli, what is going on with you?"

"I went to a club with Leia." I confessed knowing that whatever I did was nothing compared to dropping the bomb about Sav being in a relationship with Anya. "Before you flip out, I didn't get in this time."

"This time?"

"Don't ask. Leia got in of course and told me to wait for her friend and we were supposed to get in together. That didn't happen. Instead, we ended up stranded at some random shop downtown where they were sacrificing a bird or something."

"Okay, then you're lucky I got you out of there in time."

"I was so scared." I admitted with a sigh. "They were all looking at me in a cultish way like I was the next victim. I can't believe Leia would be friends with someone who does that kind of stuff." I felt a couple of tears meet the tops of my cheeks.

"Are you crying? Aww … it's okay little baby." Sav joked, hugging me and trying to make me feel better.

"You're so stupid." I choked out in between a laugh. I'd never come clean about this, but Sav and I were really close. "Thanks for not saying anything." I whispered as he nodded.

"Now for the escape plan…"

"Don't be stupid." I started. "All I have to do is use the latter at the back of the house and climb up. No brain surgery needed."

"And what if the latter is missing … mom and dad had be move it."

"Okay, so what's your plan? And can I use your laptop afterwards?"

"What's so urgent that you can't wait until tomorrow?" Sav wondered as I started to sense suspicion rise in his voice.

"I have to tell everyone about my near-death experience, that's all." I covered. I was really aching to see if I had received any more messages from 'darknights' and desperately hoping that he would be online at the same moment that I was so that I could IM him.

* * *

**Leia Bai**

I couldn't leave it up to fate. No way I could wait for that so-called world power that no one saw, but everyone knew about it. It would take waayyy too long, so I just hurried it along a bit. I glanced down at the cell phone I held in my hand that was clearly masculine. It was Sean's.

I had switched them in the car when Sean was trying so hard _not _to look at me and not let his mind wonder when I said those things about us sleeping together.

The only bad thing about this plan was that it was Wednesday. I did the phone switch on Saturday meaning that either he hadn't realized that he lost his phone or didn't suspect that I did it, but _hello … _He was sitting there with a custom-made neon blue Venus phone.

Well, I didn't have time to worry about it now. I had to get up and go to school and then after that I had to prep the girls for the school Carnival tomorrow. I was really hoping to see Sean there, but I wasn't going to call him and ask him to meet me there. That would look too planned.

I rummaged through my closet, trying to pull out something sexy that I could get away with wearing at Degrassi, without being sent the principal. As soon as I saw the perfect outfit, a pair of fitted gray jeans, the phone started to ring, _Sean's _phone.

My initial reaction was to ignore it. It had been going crazy the last few days and this one number kept coming up every day. Emma or whatever? I shook my head in disgust and checked the caller id. Caller unknown, but it was my number…

* * *

**Fernando**

"I've got big news hebibi." Hana appeared beside me. I knew it was her before she even said anything. No one else showed up here this early and she had pretty much given me a key to let myself in anytime I wanted, which was pretty cool.

"What's the news?"

"Ooh, you asked. You must be in a good mood today." She commented. "Well, my husband is having this huge dinner party and inviting all of this business-types which means that I have the chance to show him this." She placed a folder of plans in front of me.

"What is it exactly?"

"Plans for a health food and clothing store. You know the whole green thing is really important to me and I'm glad that more people are responding to it." Hana explained. "And here in Toronto, we don't have anything like that. It could be pretty amazing."

She leaned across the front of the machine I was working out on as my eyes started to go somewhere they shouldn't. I forced myself to look elsewhere. I didn't know what it was but lately, Hana was exuding this hyper-sexiness that drove me wild and inspired me to show up here more often than normal. I was here practically every day _twice _a day.

"Sounds pretty amazing." I answered, giving her genuine encouragement and fixating on another body part of hers, her mouth.

"Why, thanks. I know I'm such a genius."

"What does the husband think?"

"You go right for the heart don't you?" Hana wondered. "Well, he doesn't know yet. I have to convince him before I can talk to his friends so--"

"You have to _ask _his permission?" I wondered, I paused the machine for a second.

"They're his friends. I'm just running it by him."

"And if he says no?"

"Then I'll have to find a way around it." Hana struggled patting me on the arm. She got up and started to walk away. "You're a Degrassi senior, right?"

"Yeah."

"My step-son is gonna be there and it might be fun if you two met. Maybe you can do some male bonding and you can meet my hubby. He's not as bad as you're thinking hebibi." She promised, walking away with her dark brown ponytail bobbing behind her. I turned away from her before I could think anything else that I shouldn't. She was a _married _woman.

* * *

**Leia Bai**

"Hello?" I answered the phone unsurely, rushing down the stairs to grab some breakfast and then I rushed to the porch where I could eat in peace. The porch was so random. I mean we were in Canada and porches come from the south in the US, but at this moment I was thankful for it. No one would bother me out here and that was perfect.

"Is this Leia?"

"Who is this?" I wondered, trying to remain as innocent as possible as I rushed downstairs to the kitchen. "Do you have my phone?"

"It's Sean and yes."

"Sean? Who's Sean?" I held back a laugh, taking a sip of orange juice instead. Hilarious.

"What the hell are you trying to pull? I want my phone back."

"And I want mine. Yours sucks." I admitted. "So when do you want to come get it?" I closed my eyes as soon as I asked. That sounded soo slutty, probably because of how my voice changed too.

"I'm going to ignore that … why don't you just drop it off at the club?"

"I can't. My car broke down." I lied. "The only way that I could get there is if I went with a friend and then everyone would know about you."

"What's there to know?"

"I'll tell you what. Today, I'm swamped. School is kicking my ass." I paused for a second. "We're having a pre-game carnival all day tomorrow from like 12 until... Meet me there."

"I can't." Sean sighed. "It'll look really bad."

"Okay, then you can come to the game on Friday. I'll be on the sidelines dancing for the team, but anytime we take a break, just run down and we'll make the switch. Promise."

"Yeah … I gotta go I'll--"

"So Friday?"

"Yeah. Whatever."

* * *

**Alli Bhandari**

I was floating from that amazing convo I had with darknights last night. We'd IMed for like three hours and every night we seemed to have more and more in common. I told him about my near death experience and he made this huge joke about it.

We talked about being Indian, life, school … everything and it really made me happy. When I walked into the doors of Degrassi Wednesday morning, I just wanted to share my happiness with everyone.

"Smiling? That's a good sign." Claire commented as I stopped by her locker. She didn't look too happy.

"So that's a crime now?"

"No, but you've changed Alli. You're so obsessed with whatever's going on in your life that you don't bother to ask what's going on with mine." She whined.

"That's because you never do anything Claire. I know how your life's going better than you do. You study super hard for _hours _every day and when you're not studying, you're obsessing over student government. That's it. You won't even admit that you like K.C. and let something good happen."

"Something good is happening to me." She snapped back. "I love it here at Degrassi and I love my life."

"Well, I'm just trying to branch out. I don't want to be known as a grade nine nerd. I want to be more than that--"

"Which is why you change into slutty clothes to go to school and go out partying with Leia on the weekends and you joined the _fashion _club? I think it's great that you're branching off, but I didn't think you'd leave me behind." Claire dramatically slammed her locker door and ran off down the hallway.

"What'd you say to her?" K.C. wondered looking at me like I was the villain.

"Nothing. I think I just made her realize that her life sucks." I sighed honestly.

"And yours with your internet boyfriend is so much better."

"How do you know about that?" I backed him into one of the lockers.

"You used my laptop and left your stuff all over my computer. Internet chatting is really stupid." He lectured me.

"Well, I think he's genuine and I'm not hurting anyone." I justified it. "Just … don't tell Claire or anyone or I'll make sure that she knows how you feel about her." K.C. nodded in agreement and in fear. He had no idea that Claire really was into him and I was _not _about to let that one loose, at least not yet.

* * *

**Jimmy Brooks**

Being at Degrassi made me feel like a huge loser in a way. Once again, everyone was off living their lives, getting married, experiencing college, and backpacking through Europe while I was looking at the same chipped paint on the walls in the attendance office. Life could really make you look like an idiot sometimes.

I tried to shrug it off and focus my attention on something else life … the huge pile of paperwork placed in front of me. Anything that involved writing or typing was my job because it kept me off my feet.

"Didn't you graduate from here already dude?" Spinner walked into the office as I turned around with a grin.

"I could say the same about you. Still stalking younger women?"

"Girlfriend. Jane, remember?"

"Yeah so why are you in the front office?"

"I heard you were here and I wanted to give you a proper welcome back … and to celebrate, why don't you come out to the game this Friday?"

"Game?"

"Football." Spinner explained. "Jane's on the team and--"

"Wait? _Jane_? I wonder how the guys are taking that." I chuckled to myself, happy to be a part of the Degrassi community again and trying to forget the fact that everyone else had already left me behind.

"They're over it by now. Jane's the star player."

"This … I've gotta see."

* * *

**Leia Bai**

"Okay girls, let me see what it looks like without me." I called out as starting to replay the music. I couldn't help but notice how much Mia was giving me the death stare. She seriously needed to chill. So what if she and Danny were officially "dating?" They weren't even together and I would never cross that line _with him_.

I watched the dance, disappointed and realizing that no one seemed to know the dance really well. They all seemed to be following me, since I was normally in the front.

"Okay. Not bad …" I sighed. "Let's do the same routine, but I want Gina, Layla, and … Mia to come to the front."

I watched in disapproval, realizing that dance was not Mia's strong point. During auditions I wouldn't have picked her out, but unfortunately, my vote was overruled by the principal. He thought it would be good to get more spirit squad girls on the dance team.

This meant that people like Mia, who completely didn't deserve to be there would be associated with me. I focused my attention on Gina and Layla instead. Okay … they could be helped. Totally. Mia was just a pretty face and as long as I kept her in the back, hopefully no one would realize how awful she really looked.

Before I could have the girls do the routine two more times without me, the football team burst through the dance studio doors.

"What are you guys doing?" I screamed, standing up abruptly.

"Oh yeah, wait guys. No _shoes_." Danny got all the boys to take off their shoes so now the dance studio was crowded _and _stinky.

"Thanks." I rolled my eyes sarcastically as Danny rushed over to me.

"What's up with you? I haven't heard from you since this weekend. Are you alive?"

"Yeah." I smiled. "Barely."

"What, something happened with Sean?"

"He took me home." I bit my lip brimming with happiness.

"And then…"

"I knew that he was scared to see me again so … I switched our phones. I'll be seeing him Thursday or Friday … maybe _both _days." I hooked Danny's arm in mine and them took him to the side of the studio where there was hardly anyone.

"Why spend so much energy on a guy who doesn't want you when you can have your pick of any of my boys." Danny offered as I glanced over the football team, sitting on the floor. Danny followed my lead.

"Your _boys _are disgusting and smelly and totally tried to scare Jane away from the team. Not very attractive."

"They're all into you though."

"Not interested."

"Even if they were virgins." He joked.

"Shut up." I punched him angrily. "I don't do _that _anymore."

"The divirginizer." He joked as we both started to laugh. Apparently, we had worked up an audience which included a jealous Mia. I could hear her loud steps before her image appeared behind Danny's back.

"Danny." Mia touched his shoulders lightly as he gave me that look and I knew he was about to bail.

"Can you give us a second?" I asked Mia as she nodded and walked away, but not too far. She was still watching us.

"I do not do that anymore. Okay?" I looked at Danny seriously, not even bothering to talk about Mia's interruption. Insecurity was pathetic.

"Well, there is _one _virgin on the football team … that one right there." Danny placed his hands on my shoulders and pointed me in the direction of some husky guy who was rapidly becoming less and less fat every time I saw him. "I can already see your mind working."

"Yeah, trying to remember where I remember him from… That's Holly J.'s stalker." I grinned. "No way I'd ever touch him."

"But he's a virgin."

"And so are you _liar. _But, I don't care how many virgins are in this school. The only one I want is Sean."

"Sean's not a virgin."

"Good. I hate having to teach a guy what goes where." I stood up hastily as Mia took my place, looking delighted by my absence. I just shrugged it off and started to send a text to Angie, but stopped … without my cell I didn't have contact with anyone.

* * *

**Alli Bhandari**

"Do you think I've changed?" I asked Sav who was reluctantly dropping me off at the J.V. football game. I was thrilled to know that darkarabianknights was from Toronto too. Awesomeness. I was anxious about possibly meeting him in the future and everything.

By then, I would be a full five shades lighter, according to my "light, white, and bright" bleaching cream. Then, I had to get rid of this huge pimple which was completely taking over my face.

"Alli … were you listening to what I just said?"

"Of course you said and I quote … 'were you just listening to what I just said.'"

"Funny … and so is that huge zit on your face. Let me pop it for you." Sav reached for my face, being the vexing older brother he was meant to be.

"Gross! It'll spread if you do that."

"No it won't." Sav touched my face, pretending like he was going to make it burst.

"Idiot."

"Since when do you have acne anyway?"

"It's not acne. Just one bump." I argued back.

"It's all that make-up. You know that'll just draw in the wrong guys to you."

"Goodbye dad." I mocked him, shutting the car door and walking into the stadium. K.C. was waiting at the gate for me and I was surprised that Claire was nowhere to be found.

"Where is she?"

"She's not with you?" K.C. wondered as I shook my head and crossed my arms.

"She's probably still teeming over earlier. I just told her she was a little predictable--"

"Well maybe if you hadn't Claire would be here by now. She's always on time."

"Claire will show up when and if she feels like it." My mood changed as I realized that we were here to have fun and not go on a scavenger hunt for a girl who insisted on wearing a school uniform to a high school with an open dress code.

"Wait, you're just going to go in and not wait for her?"

"When Claire gets mad she does stuff like this. We could be waiting out here for over an hour. You have your phone right … just wait until she calls and says she's here. I don't want to miss this." I suggested to K.C. dragging him by the wrist into the stadium.

* * *

**Fernando**

I felt ridiculous being at this party with all the corporate America, elite types. The only thing that could hold my attention for a second was the food sitting on the tables and it was everywhere. I really tempted to take a tray into the house and pig out.

To think that I wore a tie for this and I hadn't even seen Hana yet.

"I thought I'd be the only non-Baby Boomer here." Mohammed commented, taking a sip from whatever was in his cup.

"Nope. I go to your mom's gym all the time. I kinda got talked into this."

"Yeah, it sucks. I'm about to bail in a little bit. I hear there's a big party tonight and I want to check it out."

"Thanks, but no thanks man. If it has anything to do with Degrassi kids count me out." I explained, jamming my hands into my pockets.

"Suit yourself." He shrugged, walking around aimlessly. At least everyone knew he _belonged _here. I was just some random kid butting in where I didn't belong.

As I was about to leave, I felt a small hand touch my back.

"You're not thinking about leaving here are you?"

"No. I just--"

"I want you to meet my husband and Mohammed." Hana explained, leading me to where all the action was. "Said honey, I want you to meet my best customer, Fernando Hussein."

I shook hands with him and everyone else around me, trying to figure out what to say next. Luckily, Hana continued talking.

"As you know, my gym has brought in what you contributed tenfold and I really want to expand on this idea, which is why I think a health food and green clothing store would be perfect."

"Hana." Said's eyes flashed at her, silencing everyone. "That idea is ridiculous. Health food? That's just a trend."

"People will always be looking for a way to lose weight. It's a win win situation." She continued confidently.

"This idea was ill-thought out when you told me about it earlier and now it sounds even more amateur. The gym was a gift. If you want this other _shop_, you do it with your own money." Said demanded, turning his back to his wife and proceeding to talk about something else.

"Well, that was embarrassing." Hana muttered as the two of us walked off. "He knows that I don't have that kind of money, that it would take _years _to even get a fraction of it." She continued, walking briskly and directly into one of the caterers.

"Let me help you with that." I offered, knowing that red anything spilling on white was bad news.

"What a disaster." Hana shook her head void of energy, in a way I had never seen her before.

"Maybe you can change his mind when there's no one else around." I offered, handing her some paper towels.

"No. Once Said says no, that's it. It's done." She admitted, tears in her eyes. I worked so hard to get that gym off the ground to get him to trust me and he won't even admit that I've been successful without him." Hana complained.

"Then do it without him."

"How?"

"Here's a big opportunity right here. When you were laying out your idea, I could see people nodding in agreement. It's a good idea." I encouraged her as Hana stopped wiping up the mess.

"You are so right." She whispered, looking at me thankfully as I found my finger touching her mouth. I had been thinking about how much I loved the words that came out of it and I guess my body just took over.

"Now's the part where you apologize." Hana explained, still not moving away. "This is _really _inappropriate."

"I'm very, very sorry." I agreed, still touching her lips.

Hana took my hand and kissed it softly. "Me too… I'm sorry that any of this happened." She whispered quietly as I caressed her jaw until I couldn't hold back anymore, so I kissed her.

* * *

(A/N: I finally got the time to organize this chapter and put it up. Sorry for the delay. The next chapter is already written too!! Review please. –NL)


	7. A Big Conglomerated Mess of Melodrama

**Chapter Six: A Big Conglomerated Mess of Melodrama**

* * *

**~Leia Bai~**

"Mia will freak if I don't wait for her." Danny protested as the rest of his football buddies watched us. They were always watching.

"Dancing is my thing. I love it, okay and you love dancing with me … and I promise no grinding."

"What?? That's the best part." Danny joked as I shoved him in the chest playfully. This guy was a total jackass.

"Now I love grinding more than any guy, I swear I do, but I'm trying to keep you out of the dog house. We'll both be good tonight." I offered as the two of us hopped into the center, thus entering the unofficial dance-off. God, I loved being the center of attention.

Everyone started cheering louder and louder as Danny dipped me and as I did a kick, nearly knocking his head with my foot.

Just as I felt the adrenaline rushing, a tap on my shoulder changed everything. Mia.

"Go ahead. Take my place … I'm tired anyway." I lied, watching as the crowd thinned as I left. Ha.

"Do you always have to be the center of attention?" A male voice asked as I turned to see Sean. He looked so sexy in his wife beater and plain-colored jeans.

"You showed up." I commented with a smile, stopping myself from skipping over to him like a giddy little school girl, but that's exactly how I was feeling. At that moment I was very happy about my choice to wear my purple halter top and white jeans. I looked fabulous.

"I need my phone." Sean got right to the point.

"Of course but … you're not even going to enjoy the carnival? We're trying to raise money for a new computer lab at Degrassi with Mac computers and everything."

"Good for you."

"Spirit squad is leading it, but everyone knows that the dance team is the real brains behind this operation. We've gotten pretty much everyone to contribute."

"Leia … what's this about?"

"Nothing." I stood directly in front of him, taking Sean's hands in mine. "I just want you to have fun with me … learn that I don't bite unless you want me to." I joked. I couldn't help myself. The things that went through my mind when Sean was around were nothing compared to what actually come from my mouth.

"When you say stuff like that it makes me wonder…" Sean said in disgust.

"I'm sorry, okay? Most guys I know respond to that." I sighed, giving up and reaching into my purse for his phone. "Here you go. Take it." Sean took the phone as I realized that something was in his back pocket. "Hope to see you tomorrow." I added, getting closer to him and reaching my hand into his pocket for my phone. His butt was firm, really firm.

I tried not to look back up at him and instead practiced on my walk away from him, but instead I just felt like this huge failure so I couldn't help but study the ground. Now what was I going to do?

"Hey Leia … wait…" Sean walked briskly after me. He was so cool about everything because he was the one that had the control, not me.

"Coming back to beat me back into the ground again?"

"No … I wanted to know if you want to meet up sometime--"

"What, like a date?"

"Not exactly."

"Yeah, just tell me when." I shrugged, feeling renewed that me having Sean wasn't a hopeless dream.

"Saturday for lunch? I'll call you and tell you where."

"Maybe." I answered back with a smile small. It was a victory, a small victory, but I would take it. "I feel like I should walk you to your car or something." I joked as Sean shrugged his shoulders, waiting for me to catch up.

* * *

**~Alli Bhandari~**

"I should totally go and give her a piece of my mind, right?" I asked K.C. who was still looking for Claire. These two were so pathetically into each other. "Would you listen to me for half a minute?"

"You've been talking the entire game."

"Look, it's only been thirty minutes. No big deal. And you should be mad at Claire. She's the one who bailed on us for the carnival."

"That's because you wanted to skip class." He pointed out.

"It's a school event. How is that skipping?" I justified as Mohammed came into my view. I shuddered and try to ignore him as he sat a few seats away.

"This day just gets better and better." I muttered as K.C. didn't bother to ask what was wrong with me.

"I'm going to go see if she's here yet."

"Wait. You can't." I commanded as K.C. just brushed if off.

"Sorry, I can't be as cold to her as you're being. I'll call you when I find her."

"Even I felt that all the way over here." I heard Mohammed say loud and obnoxiously. It was like he had two different sides, one where he seemed so smart, mature, and intelligent and then this side where he sat around and made fun of everyone and everything. That side of him made it all the more easy for me to just suck it up and forget that I ever had a crush on him.

"If I had huge elephant ears like yours I would've heard that too." I shot back crossing my arms over my chest.

"Uh-oh. I'm still sensing a little animosity on your part. You're still not over that ICE thing?" Mohammed wondered, this time sitting beside me rather than yelling jokes over the tops of people's heads.

"No. I've put my efforts into more meaningful groups on campus, you know productive organizations. Must be hard being president now that ICE has fallen so low this year. Tell me, how's that going by the way?"

"You're good." He chuckled back, facing towards me and looking at me with this huge intensity that made my heart want to skip a beat. "In all honesty, I think that was the stupidest decision we made this year, I made. After all, I agreed to go along with it."

"Does dark skin disgust you that much?" I wondered, not able to help myself. I bit my lip in anticipation hoping that the mere sight of me didn't make him want to poke out his eyeballs out.

"You know how it is in the Indian word. Lighter is better. Always."

"I know that, but … do you believe it? Do you think--"

"Hey Mo, get over here loser!" One of the "lighter" girls from ICE yelled, throwing a foam football at his head.

"We're done here." I dismissed him, assuming that that girl, Sumni, was probably his new girlfriend or at least a prospect and his avoidance of my question told me exactly how he felt about a girl like me.

Suddenly, I didn't want to be at this stupid football game. I didn't care about Claire or K.C., my brother, Mohammed … anyone. The only thing I wanted to do was rush home and pile as much of that cream onto my face and let it sit there for a couple hours until it felt like it was working.

* * *

**~Armando Felix Gutierrez Martinez-Hassan~**

The one person that I did not want to see at this point, besides Hana was her step-son Mohammed. I wondered if he knew what happened between us. We were out in the open. Someone had to have seen something.

So instead of burning off steam like I would normally do in a situation like this, I went to this Degrassi carnival thing. It was sort of required for the varsity team or at least that's what Danny made everyone think. So far I had creamed four people in the face with pies, won three stuffed animals and gotten the high score for basketball.

And if Mohammed was here, I would have run into him already since I'd scanned the place at least three times. The only thing that I had not yet done here was get something to eat and eating at a carnival was my worst nightmare. Buttery popcorn, sugary cotton candy, fatty funnel cakes, medieval Turkey legs … everything that had gotten me to the 310 mark.

But my stomach was talking to me, really loudly and had it not been for the loud music and sounds in the background, I would have had to sequester myself in a corner so that no one else knew. I could wait until I got home to eat anyway … getting down to 250 pounds in less than four months didn't happen by itself. It required sacrifice and that sacrifice sometimes consisted of eating chicken breast and broccoli everyday …

Against my obvious need to consume something, I walked in the opposite direction of the food. As the smells faded, I felt myself returning back to normal. I popped in a stick of gum to curb the hunger while still permitting me to burn calories. As I looked down to stuff the wrapper into my pocket, I felt myself collide with someone.

"Not you again." I muttered as I came face to face with Angela.

"You should learn to watch where you're going."

"And you should learn to dress like a normal person." I hawked back, noticing her all black ensemble consisting of tights, a skirt, boots, a shirt … "Funeral much?"

"Very funny … idiot. I'm actually going to that tent over there." She pointed to a spot behind me.

"A fortune teller tent? No wonder why you're going in all black. Bracing yourself for some bad news?"

"No worse news than repeatedly running into you everywhere I go." Angela rolled her eyes. "Fortune telling can be really insightful … especially for someone as sad and misguided as you Fefe."

"Hey dude, where've you been?" Danny van Zant ran into me with a couple of other players from the team. "All of us are entering a hot dog eating contest. Winner gets the single room when we go to next weekend's away game."

I looked at Angela who took this as a chance to take another stab at me. "I see that once again actually having a brain is no prerequisite for being on the team. Oh wait did I use a big word. Prerequisite means--"

"I know what it means." I snapped, as she smirked to herself.

"Look man are you finished here? It's about to start." Danny urged.

"Yeah, are you like done here or like what?" She put on her best valley girl voice.

"No thanks."

"What?" Danny and Angela said concurrently.

"Yeah umm … I promised Angela here that I would go to the fortune teller thing with her…"

"Oh yeah." Danny nodded. "Dark tent, girl. I got you dude. Later." He gave me a quick pat on the back and run off with a bombastic stampede following him.

"Nice cover." Angela rolled her eyes, walking off and leaving me behind.

"Thanks for not saying anything." I admitted as my grumbling stomach started again. We were nearing the food.

"Is that the reason you've lost your status as a Bigger Loser contestant? I'm not idiot." She continued. "Starving yourself isn't the answer."

"I'm not starving." I replied, holding my breath when we neared the candied apples, so as not the inhale their scent, and following Angela into the tent.

* * *

**~Leia Bai~**

"Let's cut to the chase." I began as Sean's car came into view. "I'm only here for one reason."

"Which is?" Sean wondered, unlocking his car.

"To do this." I walked closer to Sean, my hands meeting his body and then my lips meeting his. Before they could fully touch, I could feel Sean pull away, slightly. "No one's around." I promised as his body loosened up and I got what I wanted … and a little more than what I was expecting.

* * *

**~Armando Felix Gutierrez Martinez-Hassan~**

I sat down next to Angela, half-wishing that I had just sucked up the eating contest, ate the hot dogs, and then barfed them up later. I had done it before so it wasn't anything new I just … I don't know.

"Do you not understand English now?" Angela invaded my thoughts, taking my hand and placing it onto the table right besides her. "We're ready to surrender ourselves to the dark side." She said as I nearly freaked out.

"What?"

"Shh. You'll ruin it." She responded with her eyes closed. I looked at the woman sitting across from us the with typical fortune teller costume on but even without it she actually did look like a gypsy. And I vaguely remember seeing her from somewhere … maybe around the club in Toronto?

"Tell me what you wish to see." The woman demanded, keeping her eyes on the crystal ball.

"Will we win the football championship and will I finally get play time in the game?" I wondered, keeping this process as impersonal as possible. Like I would ever talk about Hana or my parents …

"Only the most important things in life?" Angela mocked me once again.

"Football … hmm. You will play in the game, and you will win. Next question … Angela."

"Will I--" Her question was interrupted by the sound of a loud alarm going off.

"That means that my time is up."

"You're kidding." Angela spoke up.

"No. I'm not. Messengers between the supernatural and the normal world need to rest too."

"What about the money we paid?"

"It was free, remember?" I whispered to Angela, which shut her up for a while.

"You can just hang out here until I come back. It might be an hour … or more."

"That sucks." I smirked as soon as the girl left. Now it was safe for me to make my escape out of here.

"Don't get up." Angela walked over to the other side of the table. "Look familiar?" She threw a folder at me that had my name and picture attached plus the exact words that she had just said recorded on a strip of paper. "There's one of me too." Angela continued to rummage through the stack.

"Did you really think it would be real?"

"Not when you're dealing with a phony." She responded. "Now it's my turn." Angela began, beckoning for my hand and then reading my palm, but I wasn't convinced.

"Innovative."

"You don't believe me?" She searched around the table until she found what she had been looking for. "The cards never lie."

"Are you kidding me?" I shook my head in disbelief. "This is some Carmen shit." I responded to the movie that starred my sister's idol, Beyonce.

"You don't trust me?"

"No." I answered, but let her continue anyway. The more time spent in here, the less chance I would run into Mohammed.

* * *

**~Leia Bai~**

Who could I call on to celebrate with me and indulge in this milestone moment? Sean and I had kissed our first non-drunken kiss where he had actually asked to see me again. Me. Life was working my way.

I searched for Danny, but seeing as he was in a hot dog eating contest, which he was losing, I set off for a more feminine companion.

When I saw Angela walk into the tent with that stalker kid, I picked out my phone and dialed Alli's number.

"Hey girl, it's me."

"Who's me?"

"Leia." My response was followed by a click. I shrugged it off and tried again, and again, and again until finally someone picked up again.

"Don't you get the hint? I don't want to talk to you."

"Why? Did I do something?"

"You left me with an insane cult witch girl where I almost got sacrificed while you were cavorting with a cuter, buffer, older guy inside." She complained.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Angela. That girl's a psycho … and then you don't even call me to see what's up."

"I lost my phone. I just got it back and I'm so sorry about whatever happened. When I saw you at school, I thought everything went fine. I tried e-mailing you." I offered.

"Yeah … two days ago. Thanks."

"Alli, seriously can we just hang out and talk about this? I'm sorry okay but I have really great news and I need to share it with someone who gets me and cares about me."

"Good luck finding that person. See you at school."

"Bitch." I muttered after she hung up on me. Whatever happened to her, it couldn't have been that bad and it wasn't my fault.

* * *

**~Alli Bhandari~**

The Friday night game was boring. Saturday was here and I was stuck doing chores and Sunday night meant that I'd have to catch up on homework, so technically today was the only day I had to myself.

Washing the remnants of my exfoliating scrub off my face, I proceeded to place a fifth of the bleaching cream on my face. I was guessing that exfoliating and then using this stuff wasn't the best idea, but I had never had sensitive skin and I wanted my body to get the picture. I wanted it to absorb this stuff and make me lighter permanently.

After caking the substance on my face, I lay down on my bed closing my eyes and trying to think happy thoughts as my skin began to itch. I ignored the sensation and took it as a sign of the product working, finally. I would walk into Degrassi on Monday morning, ignore Leia completely and command Mohammed's attention with my new face only I wouldn't notice him.

But then I will have moved on to other people and maybe I would be meeting up with dark nights by then…

* * *

**~Armando Felix Gutierrez Martinez-Hassan~**

I hadn't been to the gym in two days, a record since starting this new life of mine, but tonight after seeing Mohammed at the carnival and knowing that the game was tomorrow … actually today, I knew I needed to hit the gym. I had to. It was driving me crazy to not be there at this moment and I was pretty sure that Hana wouldn't be there at 1am.

It would be pure luck if my key still opened the place because after what happened that night, I really had no right to be here. But when I saw Hana standing in front of me, looking so beautifully tragic and hurt I had to give into the feelings that I had denied even existed.

Now, I wished that I hadn't. I slid my key into the lock, standing confidently but bracing myself to have to turn back around and take the 20 minute drive back home. Instead, with a double click, the door flew open and I flipped on the dimmer lights.

I rushed to my second favorite machine, the treadmill saving the best for last. I knew I'd be working my ass off in here tonight because I didn't know when I'd get to come back or if I would.

"I've been waiting for you." Hana admitted, looking tired and unsure of herself. With her normally bubbly countenance gone I knew that she had some disturbing news for me like … someone discovered our secret encounter.

"What happened after I left?" I wondered, continuing to prep the machine without hesitation. "Did anyone see?" I remained cool as I started the warm up.

"You're just so nonchalant about it like it doesn't matter either way so I'm wondering if I should even tell you that … no one saw a thing."

"How's that possible? We were out in the open."

"We were lucky, unless someone really did witness the entire ordeal and is just waiting to blackmail me." Hana offered, keeping her distance from me, which was something she never did. I had always thought that to her, personal space didn't exist, but know I knew it did. And I had been the one to draw the line.

"What are you going to do about it?"

"Count my blessings."

"Does that include your new food and clothing store?" I asked, paying more attention to her then what my body was doing.

"No. Unfortunately. Said told me that in order to get any more of his money I'd have to pay him back what this cost in full, plus interest. And he knows that interest is haram. Forbidden. " Hana sighed, sitting down at one of the benches, looking tragically beautiful again. I just wanted to run over to her and—

"Did you get any others interested?" I wondered, blocking out the thought successfully.

"My husband's a very proud man. If I went behind his back and did something like that, actually went through with it, it might tear us apart."

"Can I ask you something?"

"You don't need my permission. Say what you want." Hana responded, a little of her normal personality returning.

"Would that be something that you'd want … to be separated from your husband?"

"Fernando are you suggesting that—"

"No, I'm not at least … not yet I don't think." I slowed down the machine, ready to jump off it at any moment.

"Since we're on the subject I want to tell you that it can never happen again." Hana repeated to me almost robotically which hinted to me that she had been rehearsing it and it wasn't what she truly felt, but I played along anyway.

"I'm really sorry for any … distress that my actions caused. I should have never butt in and gotten so close. I really didn't belong there … that's as close as I can get to apologizing for something that I don't think is wrong."

"Felix, you are a child. You can't vote yet, you can't go to certain places so how do you know what's right and wrong?"

"I know that my lips pressed against yours was the most passionate feeling or high that I've ever had and I want more of it." I hopped off the machine and headed over to the bench.

"Don't do this." She begged as I found myself touching her hands and playing with them. Hands were safe to caress. Her face wasn't otherwise I'd lose control. "I love Said."

"Then why were you waiting around for me?"

* * *

(A/N: Review please. --NL)


	8. As I and Not As We

**Chapter Seven, Part One: As I and Not As We**

**_

* * *

_**

(A/N: Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far. I'm dividing some of the longer chapters into parts so that they're easier to read. Make sure to review. --NL)

**~Leia Bai~**

"Why am I being punished?" I complained anxious about seeing Sean. He had rescheduled our 'date' for the next weekend and now that Saturday was here, my mom had decided to invite that Chinese spaz over here again.

I was beginning to wish that I could just disappear and for once no one would notice me. Whoever complained about their parents never being around or never caring about what they did obviously didn't know what it felt like to be on 24/7 surveillance, not just by my mom but by my older sister Kai too.

"Make sure and be nice." Kai said startling me from behind.

"I'm always cordial to him."

"Last time you asked him to wait outside and then never opened the door. Clever."

"It's not my fault that he's not that smart." I shrugged it off, smirking and conjuring up the next stunt I could pull on him. I forgot how fun it was to outsmart everyone.

"He has a 5.0 GPA."

"How is that possible?" I threw up my hands, shaking my head in disgrace. Way to make it harder for regular Asian people like me … a 5.0??

"He's in all honors courses and is doing extremely well unlike someone I know."

"Straight A kids don't have any fun. I want to have fun. To go out. To--"

"party?" Kai butted in, narrowing her eyes at me.

"Yes and there's nothing wrong with that."

"Except that mom and dad had to pull you out of ballet school because you were partying so much."

"Don't blame this on me. I'm not the reason…" My voice trailed off even though deep down I was thinking that it might've been my fault. The fact that my parents didn't even live together, but pretended that nothing was wrong , the fact that it happened after all of the bullying and name calling once I slept with a few guys … maybe I was to blame.

"Whatever you're thinking or planning for tonight, just act normal. Pretend that you're me."

* * *

**~Alli Bhandari~**

Itching always means that a product works. It's supposed to itch. When you use that Nair© stuff the only way it works is if it itches the hell out of your skin. I turned my head to one side and then the other, but I couldn't ignore how uncomfortable my face was feeling.

So I cranked up my music and logged online for a short chat with darkarabianknights. A quick chat turned into a thirty minute one about our philosophies, how his parents were so lenient on him Islamically, but how he came to conclusions about things on his own.

He completely did not sound like anyone I knew, which was what I loved about him. I wanted to stay there all night and type all of the things that no one should ever reveal about themselves online, but the discomfort got to me so I rushed to the sink and flushed my face with lukewarm water.

As the pain died down I started to breathe more easily and looked to the mirror excitedly for my results. Unfortunately, my face looked the same, exactly the same which bummed me out a lot. Now was as good a time as ever to take a nap, so I shut off the computer and crashed.

It was when I woke up the next morning that I realized how much different the cream really did make. The first person to comment on it was Sav.

"Alli, what happened to your face?" He practically screamed coming abnormally close to my face and touching it.

"Get away weirdo." I pushed him out of the way and went down to eat breakfast. Sav had tried that trick before but this time I wasn't falling for it. I had my normal breakfast of a breakfast quesadilla and rushed back upstairs to shower and get ready for a Claire freakout and Leia pleading for forgiveness. Just another day at Degrassi.

It was when I looked in the mirror that I saw exactly what Sav had been talking about. The cream had worked alright and all too well. My face no longer had its healthy orange-brown glow of yesterday. Now, it was a pale brown to the point where my skin looked like I had rubbed powder all over it. Not only did it make me look like a ghost, but I also had clusters of mini-pimples all over and broken cracked skin.

"Mom! Dad!" I yelled in a panic. Once I explained this situation to them, they would let me stay home from school for sure. They had to.

* * *

**~Armando Felix Gutierrez Martinez-Hassan~**

"Hurry up out there Hassan. Go!" Coach yelled as I tried to get it together. Since I had dropped so much weight, I had been faster, but these two-a-days and salads for lunch were killing me. I was drained. When Riley made it past me for the third time in a row, coach called me over.

"What the hell is going on?"

"He's super-fast today. I can't catch him."

"No excuses. Get that out of your head. Want to know a secret?" Coach Jeremiah asked as I nodded in response. He was going to tell me anyway. "Last week you and Riley were our top runners … that took me for a spin since you've had trouble keeping up with the rest of the team due to your extra weight. But I'm looking at you and all that's disappearing now."

"Yes sir." I nodded wondering where this was going.

"You get out there and stop him. Think fast." He gave me a hard push/pat on the back, thrusting me back onto the field with the rest of the team. I tried to get my mind right and think good things. Hácelo. By the end of the play I was back to doing what I did earlier.

Once practice was over Coach Jeremiah cornered me.

"How'd you lose all that weight so fast son?"

"Personal trainer." I lied, pouring a half full bottle of water over my head.

"You can either lie to me now or tell me the truth before I find out."

"You said I weighed too much, I got rid of it. The sloppy weight is gone. It's not coming back." I promised, brushing him off.

"You looked tired out there Hassan."

"All of the guys are tired." I argued back refusing to tell him about the diet supplements and extensive diet I lived by.

"You looked exhausted … I'm keeping my eye on you Hassan and in the future don't lie to me."

* * *

**~Leia Bai~**

David just did not know when to leave. My mom had left dinner early because she was "sick", thank God, and now I was stuck saying my ni haos and other polite things just so that Kai would get off my back. It didn't take long for her to make up some excuse to leave me alone with him and I had to remember to keep myself in check.

No profanity and no English. Zhongwen only. I rolled my eyes, knowing that it was one gesture that Kai couldn't pick up from wherever she was lurking. After a drawn-out dinner, David looked at me like he wanted to do something else.

There was no way that I was going to take him anywhere, but I needed to get rid of him. I really wanted to call Sean and go out on our date tonight. I was so excited, but it was already 7:30 and "Da Wei" was not going anywhere.

I took him over to the living room, trying to think of how I could say what I needed without it being obvious to Kai or otherwise "rude."

As we watched TV, I yawned looking at my cell phone every five minutes. We were supposed to meet up at 9. By the time I took the metro over there or took a taxi … I'd be late. "Ahem." I heard Kai hint in the background.

"Can you give us some privacy?" I wandered, abandoning my Chinese for a moment.

"Hao. If she gives you any trouble, you tell me." Kai said to David in Chinese, of course.

When I was sure that she was gone, I let my mind wander until I came up with this brilliant plan on how to remove David from my life eternally.

"You can put your arm around me." I suggested, trying to pretend like I was so innocent and had never done anything like this before. David smiled eagerly as I slouched into the couch a little. When he took no action beyond that, I saw that this was useless and that he couldn't follow the yellow brick road.

I turned to look at him, ignoring that he wasn't Sean, and kissed him suddenly. Dude had no idea what to do or what not to do, but I had had worse kisses. As the length and force of our kisses strengthened, I tugged on his jacket. David hesitated a little until I ensured him that it was okay.

I even took off my shirt first to reassure him. That was enough for things to escalate as far as I needed them to. The result was me temporarily assuming my previous role as the devirginizer, taking this neophyte and teaching him my corrupt ways.

Emotion I was devoid and detached from, but I allowed myself to be heard. I made sure to be as loud as possible, announcing our adulteration to anyone that had ears. I was hoping for mom, but I got Kai instead. She pushed the two of us apart and politely as David to leave.

I lay there with a smirk on my face, my lipstick smeared everywhere. Victory.

"Stop laughing. You haven't won."

"But I have. Mom will never let him in knowing what we've done together and with boys once you start something like that you can't just stop it." I continued as she slapped me in disgust.

"Have you no pride? No respect for us and our family? The Bai name?"

"This isn't Mulan." I snapped back. "Honor and pride doesn't matter in this country. It's who you know."

"Well, Mama won't know anything about this. I won't slander Chen Da Wei's name."

"It's not slander if it's true." I argued back as she through my clothing back at me.

"Get dressed. You look like a common prostitute." She said with an anger so deep that I actually did feel subordinate to her. As I pulled on my shirt, Mama came down the steps slowly and steadily.

"What's going on?" She paused once she saw me pulling on my shirt. "What did you DO?"

"I had sex and it was good." I smiled triumphed. Mom did find out after all. My felicity was transient as Mama yanked me up and started yelling curses at me in Chinese. There was a lot of screaming and confusion about how I had made dad leave with my whorish ways. Her verbal contempt switched to physical beatings instantaneously and I was soon crouched on the floor in a ball trying to escape the hits that she was giving me. Despite my protests, she was not letting up.

* * *

**~Armando Felix Gutierrez Martinez-Hassan ~**

I had no right to be here. I didn't belong, but I was attracted to Hana's gym like a bird to freedom so I had to have it.

"We're closing." Hana announced as she heard the bell before even noticing it was me. She looked so beautiful with her brown hair falling slightly in her face as she scribbled down something. The curve of her body reminded me of the last time I'd seen her completely naked. Vulnerably beautiful.

"Sorry to hear that." I responded as she looked up from the paperwork she had.

"You're either brave or very stupid."

"You gave me a key." I argued back.

"I'm having it changed tomorrow." She answered, turning to her left to further distance herself from me.

"You don't have to do that. I want to explain everything. What you saw on Thursday wasn't as intimate as it seemed. I'm not in a relationship with that girl or anything. She just keeps showing up wherever I go … like a stalker."

"So she stalks you … really?" Hana shook her head at me.

"Yeah so it doesn't change us, does it?"

"Of course it does … Felix, I could go about this two ways; as an adult or I can stoop down to your level so that you can understand it."

"I'm ready to hear whatever you need to say." I admitted, dropping my duffel bag on the floor and taking a seat on one of the benches in the front of the gym.

"I am a very, very foolish woman for doing what I did. I let you seduce me into the idea of having a relationship beyond what I share with Said. And I know better. I'm financially stable, I own my own business. I'm doing okay where I am and you … Well, you're just a kid--"

"So you don't care about the kiss?"

"I didn't say that, but it made me realize some things, the main one being that I want you to terminate your membership here after this month." Hana declared without looking sad at all. If anything, she seemed very clear-headed and pensive. I guess that's what two weeks away can do to someone.

"How will I see you then?" I wondered despite myself.

"InshAllah you won't."

"You don't mean that." I began. "The way you were with me, I've never been that way with anyone in my life. It was beautiful, magic--"

"It was haram and I'll be spending the rest of my life making up for it. God forgive me."

"So you regret it?" I wondered feeling like the core of my stomach had run out on me.

"Dearly."

"Oh." I nodded, walking back over to my bag and taking out my iPod. I plugged in Akon, knowing that it would help me to drown all of this out. Whatever she said after that, I couldn't hear. I hopped on the nearest treadmill and starting running profusely. We were going to see who went down first, me or the machine.

* * *


	9. If You Really Try You’ll Find There’s No

**Chapter Seven, Part Two: If You Really Try You'll Find There's No Need to Cry **

* * *

**~Alli~**

So my parents pulled in front of Degrassi Community in spite of my gripes. My face looked no better than it did earlier and mom was so worried about it that she didn't let me put anything on it so I was walking into school with the whiteface I'd been wishing for.

By the time I arrived at school, the parking lot was cleared of any other people, sparing me a little embarrassment. I rushed to the front office hoping that it was equally barren. It was and the only person in sight was a former Degrassi student, Jimmy Brooks.

"Do you have the power to excuse me from all classes today?" I wondered, ambitiously, holding my headscarf over half of my face. Today, I was actually thankful for hijab.

"I wish I could help you out, but the best that I can do is first and second period." He offered as I nodded. Okay, that was half the day. I could skip out on lunch and then I had the Gifted Class and a Chemistry class. I could hide behind the goggles.

"Aren't you going to ask what happened?" I wondered as he handed me the slip.

"You look as beautiful as ever." He complimented me as the mood eased a little. I moved closer to the desk.

"So, I had an allergic reaction to this face cream I was using." I began, not wanting to admit that it was skin _bleaching _cream that had done this to me.

"And your parents told you to leave it alone."

"How did you u know?"

"I had a cousin. She went through the same thing."

"So what'd she do?"

"Piled tons of petroleum jelly on her face every night. It eventually went away. When she went to the doctor, they told her that a layer of her skin had been burned off from the _cream _she was using."

"Oh." I responded, knowing that he know what had really happened. "Happen to have any moisturizing substance on you now?"

"I don't, but I'm sure the nurse might." Jimmy responded. "And I'll write you a pass for that too."

"Can you make it during third period?" I wondered, hoping to skip out on a Claire face-down. Girl could hold a grudge.

"One third period pass coming right up."

* * *

**~Leia~ **

"So she just tossed me onto the floor and started beating the shit out of me." I explained to Danny so dramatically that he thought I was making it all up.

"Your mom? She's like four feet tall--"

"Four _eleven_."

"And you really expect me to believe that?" Danny scoffed as I stopped, realizing that he didn't believe me. Of course not. It _was _ridiculous … but real. I paused to look at him for a second and then shrugged it off.

"Course not. Kai-ying is a sucky driver and we got into a minor car accident. Trust me, I look a lot better than the car we hit." I covered quickly as Danny nodded, seeming to accept this story with more ease than the real one. I had a knack for reading people and it just seemed like this time the non-truth was better than the real deal.

"So, what now?"

"I guess I could milk these bruises and go to the nurse. Kwan's class will be killer today so I'll just get a pass right before it starts."

"Now, you're thinking smartly." Danny smiled, putting his arm around my shoulder and giving me a small squeeze. "Since I've shared my ultimate wisdom with you today …" His hand dropped abruptly.

"What is it now? Does Derek need more girl advice and is too afraid to ask?"

"Actually, I'm having the problem. I think Mia's going to dump me."

"Good." I shrugged happily. "She's so insecure that it's sickening."

"Well, regardless of what you think about her I really like her Leia."

"And what's her deal?"

"She's been acting really distant. And that weekend we did the carnival and she saw us dancing together—I'm _still _getting crap for it."

"Jealousy … hmmm. I don't know what to tell you Danny. Seriously … the only thing I see coming is more crap from her. It'll probably end with her asking you to choose her or me."

"You sound okay with that idea." He responded, struggling to keep up with me.

"I am because I know you'll pick your bestie over anyone. So I have nothing to worry about."

* * *

(A/N: This **_isn't_** the full chapter. It's what I have up to this point and I won't be writing anything until my hands/arms/wrists get better. --NL)


	10. A Perfect Soul

**Chapter Seven, Part Three: A Perfect Soul **

**

* * *

  
**

**~Armando Felix Gutierrez Martinez-Hassan~**

All I could think about was Hana. Seeing her all vulnerable and just open like that ... I never felt like someone needed me as much as she did in that moment. To just see her turn away from me, to _turn _on me like that was a killer.

' I want you to terminate your membership here after this month,' she had said to me, easily, emotionlessly. The one thing that gave me solace, and a feeling of potential atonement was that the month had just started. I had nearly thirty days to make it right and I wasn't going to mess up.

Fully torn between finding a resolution to the Hana situation and practice, I kept wavering in between both, vacillating here and there until Angela caught me in the wake of heading to my car, this time for good.

"Aren't you walking the wrong way?"

"No. I'm skipping practice so ... just tell coach I'm sick or something." I barked out orders in between chomping on gum. It was actually _half _a piece of gum ... that Fruit Sensations crap that kept me from having hunger cravings.

"Are you trying to get kicked off the team?" She questioned, fiddling with some cards in her hands that she had pulled out when I looked away ... or maybe I just hadn't noticed?

"I'm more than just a football player. I have a life." I answered back angrily.

"Since when?" Angela wondered as I scowled. She quickly changed her tone. "Not trying to be all stalkerish but ... pick a card." She stared at me intensely, watching my every move. I bet she even noticed when my jaw tensed up.

"I don't have time for--"

"Just one." She urged, with so much persistence that it was overly sedulous. I gave in, picking one randomly and as quickly as I could. I kept walking as she continued to yell behind me, "... Someone will die ..."

I shook my head at her firmly. All the more reason to get to Hana as soon as I could.

* * *

**~ Leila Bai~**

"Look, Sean if you're hearing this ... I'm sorry I couldn't call you earlier." I started to explain over Danny's cell phone. He was driving me over to Sean's workplace, but I thought the whole thing would be futile.

Cameron wouldn't be there and even if he was, my face would be the one that he would be least enthused to see me. "Stupid!" I yelled, tossed the phone back to Danny.

"Hey, hey ... that's an iPhone Leila."

"Like you care Danny. Your dad is two steps from being the new mayor. He'd buy you a new one in a heartbeat--"

"Says the daughter of a neurosurgeon." He joked back.

"Sorry. My mind is racing about everything and not having a cell phone makes me feel so disconnected. I can't even get on the Internet, chat rooms, e-mail … it sucks."

"Who are you chatting with any way?"

"I'm not like _that_ anymore." I protested even though my preoccupation with Sean was definitely making the act like the old Leila. "I swear," I added with the whisper. You can't corrupt what's already been adulterated.

"Thanks," I said as I left the car. "I owe you one Danny." I added, giving him a quick kiss on the lips for fun. Mia not liking us being friends made me want to do things just to get under her skin.

"Leila…" Danny called after me shaking his head as I laughed. He got it. Innocent fun. Totally. Within moments, the ambiance went from carefree and aplomb to seriously dreadful.

I stood for a while in front of the building contemplating my next move. I knew that I had to be strategic about what I was going to say, after all I did stand him up and never called to explain, a fault not my own, but still the reality nonetheless.

"Here goes nothing." I whispered to myself with a sigh. At least I looked amazing today. I just hoped that was enough to distract from the real problem, my face which was scattered with scars from my mom's rampage. This was disguised by a cute hat that I had found… I just couldn't wait to be done with high school so I'd never have to deal with her again, or Kai.

"I'm looking for someone," I yelled out to a practically empty building in my voice echoed scaring me half to death. "Hello!? Is anybody --"

"Yo, I heard you. Everybody heard you."

I let out a deep breath of relief. "Good," I said cheerfully, sitting down on one of the many empty bar stools. "I'd like the martini straight up."

"We're closed." The guy responded annoyed. "What do you want kid?"

"Where's Cameron? Sean Cameron." I crossed my legs, tilted my head to the side, and traced the top edge of my tube top seductively in order to get what I wanted which was Sean. "Don't make me beg." My voice dropped and I bit my lip suggestively.

"He's not here, jail bait."

"Then where the hell is he?" I nearly shouted disgusted that I had wasted so much time on this loser.

"Probably at the park. That's like his second home." The guy grinned as though he knew something that I did not. As I walked away, I could feel half of my breast starting to fall from the top. Please. Was that all it took to get a grin from that dude. He was way too damn easy.

"Wait. Which park… Can you give me a ride?" I lifted up one eyebrow as it's tempting him to deny me of what I wanted, which he didn't. Like I said _easy_.

* * *

**~Alli~**

Being dark is a disadvantage, a plague, a sin and I don't regret trying to get rid of the problem. But having to go to school that day was torture. Picture me, Alli-bear- it-all Bhandari clothed in full hijab. Claire was the first to approach me about it.

"Alli ... whoa, is that you?" Claire wondered in complete amazement. Apparently my plan to skip out on class and hang out in the nurse's office had backfired. I had forgotten about Ms. Edwards. Even though she was supposed to be mad at me or something, here she was talking to me.

"Yeah, who else would it be?" I wondered, clutching the scarf that was now the only thing protecting me from a lifetime of embarrassment.

"Are you ... avoiding me?"

"No ... well ... you haven't been talking to me since that football game, before that even. I'm sorry I dragged you to that stupid club, but that's no reason to act like this." I projected my feelings onto Claire, hoping that it would perplex her enough that she wouldn't notice if I slipped away. That was the plan. If Claire started to ask questions, especially the _right _ones, like she was known for, I'd be forced to tell her the truth. I could keep things from her for a bit, but she always found a way to whidle them out of me. Always.

"Alli, what are you talking about? I'm starting to worry about you. "So I guess your mom found your hidden stash."

"No actually… This is my choice. I want to know what it's like for other Muslim women." I lied smoothly. See? It was a lot easier to tell people what they wanted to hear than the truth. "Wait ... you're not mad at me?" I loosened my grip on the scarf.

"Not hardly. I mean, not anymore. I was kind of hoping that you'd give me a little advice on KC."

"Oh." I nodded profusely. I was so happy that the conversation had moved away from me that I let go of the scarf completely."SO, WHAT'S YOUR QUESTION?" I practically screamed, antsy and ready to get out of there immediately.

"How do you know ... I mean how would _I _know if KC was into me? And should I wait for him to say something or should I do--"

"Totally. You should do the proactive thing and approach him first." I started, glad that it was just us. My luck started to run out as the fourth period bell rang. School was out for the day, which was bad news for me at this moment. Even worse, Mohammed and the Indian Cultural Exchange crew were coming my way.

I could just hear them making fun of me now…

"So just go up to him and tell him how I feel?" Claire wondered as I tried to plan a quick, yet non-suspicious get-away.

"Yeah. March right up to him and say. 'KC I like you.'"

"That's it?" Claire wrinkled up her forehead. "Don't you think that's a little too blunt? And then what should I say after that?" I looked back behind Claire, panicked. They were approaching us and fast!

"You get his attention. Take his shoulders even. Tell him clearly and slowly and then walk away before he can respond."

"Alli are you--" The rest of Claire's sentence was cut off once I ducked into the girls' washroom behind us.

* * *

**(A/N: Is anybody reading? If you are, send me a short review. I'm writing about 10 or more stories at once so I'll add more as soon as I can. Luv. –NL) **


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eight: Not So Beautiful**

**

* * *

  
**

**Wednesday Afternoon**

**~Leila Bai~**

"Thanks for the ride." I forced myself to grin at the touchy-feely idiot who dropped me off here. I may have been 'jail bait,' as he called me, but that didn't seem to stop him from letting his hand run wild all over me. Disgusting. After all of this, Cameron had better be at this park.

To begin with, I didn't see him … not all all in fact, but once I saw a shirtless, sweaty guy run past me, I know it was him.

"Hey Sean!" I chased after him, going as fast as my Pastry sneakers would allow. "Cameron!" He kept running so aplomb and oblivious to me, so I did what I could to get his attention asap.

With a thud, Sean stopped in his tracks and turned around. "Oh, _you._"

"Don't you check your messages?" I wondered, finally face to face with him in all his perfection.

"You had one shot."

"If you would just listen…" I begged, ready to do anything to get him to pay attention to me. Anything.

"I was." He pointed to some dated electronic device. Maybe a cassette player or some other ancient shit?

"To me. Listen to me." I clutched his wrists, forcing Sean to stop moving. He looked at me intensely and then there was a … moment.

"Two seconds."

"The best way that I can say this is to show you." I explained, removing my hat, which covered a large number of my bruises.

"Wait. What hap--"

"Moms is psycho strict and crazy. I 'corrupted' this guy she was so such that I would marry. You see … that night, I was supposed to see you, he showed up and I did what I had to do so I'd never have to see him again. So, she took my phone, beat me into the ground and … that's the honest truth."

"So, this guy … did you two…" Sean's voice trailed off, but I knew he wanted to know if I had fucked him.

"No. I just made it look like we did. Do you think I'm that easy?"

"Course not." Sean shrugged.

"So, raincheck on our date?" He shrugged again. "I was thinking now … especially since I'm stranded here and really don't want to go home to another flashback to 1920's China."

"You planned this, didn't you?" Sean licked his lips, waiting for a response.

"Your bartender friend dropped me off. I didn--"

"Save it. I have 20 more minutes of workout." Sean looked ahead. "Join me?"

"I'd rather watch you." I smirked, finding a spot on the park where I could get a good look, but later deciding to join him. I could get a better view that way.

**

* * *

**

**Monday Morning**

**~Alli Bhandari~**

You can say that I'm hard-headed or just plain stupid, but I couldn't stop myself from using that cream again, anymore than I could stop chatting with Dark Arabian Knights. Faking sick was useless, once again, and I was back in the front office chatting it up with Jimmy.

"I see you've still got your…" He motioned his hand around his face, referring to my hijab.

"Yes. I couldn't get my hands on that petroleum jelly so … I'm stuck like this for a while."

"And I'm guessing you're either here for another free pass or a therapy session." Jimmy shifted some papers on his desk as I tried to make eye contact with him. I had been coming here to talk to Jimmy for about a week now and he was really cool.

Very cool, but … not cool enough to see how hideous my face was turning out to me. Things always have to get worse before they get better, or something like that? I don't know. All I knew that Jimmy was helping me to avoid the rest of the overly-judgmental puerile Degrassi population that still thought hanging girls' underwear from the flagpole was hilarious.

If they saw my scarred face, I'd be the next laughing stock of the school. I couldn't even trust Claire with this secret. Only Jimmy had come close enough to see what was really going on.

"So … that petroleum jelly stuff doesn't work."

"Have you stopped using the cream?" He looked up at me, his eyebrows growing a little tense.

"You don't know what it's like to be an Indian girl. A _Muslim _Indian girl with all these rules. And then this dark skin. I just want to be a normal girl, you know with blonde hair and blue eyes? I'd even settle for black hair if I could do something about this skin."

"Do you hear yourself?" Jimmy wondered, maneuvering around the office desk awkwardly and slowly to the reception area. "You sound like a crazy person." I reached to help him as he sat down on one of the chairs next to me.

"I'm not. It's not just me. No guy wants to be with a dark girl. I mean look at black girls like Chantay. They're always alone because … everyone secretly wants to be more white than not."

"Not true. I dated the most beautiful Somalian Muslim girl for two years. She was … amazing. She--"

"So what happened to her?" I wondered, cocking my head to the side. Jimmy sighed.

"Nothing. It was me … I got put in a wheelchair and I couldn't be who I used to be."

"Oh. I'm sooo sorry … I heard--"

"Yeah." Jimmy cleared his throat. "So you need another pass? Do you want to go back to the nurse or--"

"No." I looked at him, biting my lip in shame. Here I was complaining about my _skin_ when he had real problems. He was still recovering and learning how to walk again. "Would it be too crazy if I asked you… Do you want to have lunch with me?"

"Yeah. Sure." Jimmy shrugged. "As long as you want… while you're still in hiding." He added with a wink as I smiled.

* * *

**~Leila Bai~  
**

Somehow, I'd talked myself into going to Sean's place. I wasn't sure if he'd let me stay the night or anything and I was crazy for trying to since I barely knew him, but I was drawn to Sean. He was different from anything else I'd had in my life. I was intrigued.

"So, this is your place?" I beamed at the one bedroom Condo that was in front of me. I had never met anyone that actually owned anything this major and I was in awe.

"Yeah." Sean sighed, dropping his music player and stripping off his wife beater, which he had pulled on when we got into his car.

"This place is amazing."

"Yeah. Don't touch anything." He headed for one of the rooms in the back and naturally, I followed. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Wherever you are." I responded, sliding my hand across his lower back.

"Ah-uh. You're going to sit over there until I figure out what to do with you."

"And what are you going to be doing?" I wondered, trying not to look seductive, but I couldn't curtail the thoughts that were running through my mind. There were potent and immutable.

"Taking a shower."

"Ooh!" He shook his head as I let out a cry of glee. I saw a slight smirk on his face so maybe I was growing on him.

"Be good Leila."

"I would be but … I need to shower too. And I was thinking--"

"Not until you're eighteen."

"Not that silly." I smiled. "Though I think we could have a lot of fun in the water. But … I'm going to be good." I said the last part to myself. "I really don't want to go home tonight." I sighed. "I'd rather procrastinate seeing my mom again."

"And what about your dad? What does he have to say about this?" Sean pointed to the purple spot that covered one of my eyes.

"Well, if he were around more this wouldn't have happened." I sighed. "On second thought, I'll call a cab company or something. It's not a big deal."

"No." Sean breathed suddenly. "I don't want you going back there … not just yet."

"Is that an offer?" I bit my lip nervously.

"You are a really good manipulator." Sean retorted as I pressed his sweaty body close to mine.

"Thanks." I muttered, raising my body so that our lips met in a soft, succulent kiss. "I'll be good." I promised after stealing one more kiss.

* * *

**~Armando Felix Martinez-Hassan~**

"Hana, please." I tried calling for the fifth time, hiding out in my car and skipping my last couple of classes. This time she actually picked up and I felt like I was getting somewhere.

"Please. Stop. Calling." She breathed slowly. My eyes fluttered downwards as I tried to find a way to articulate everything I wanted to say before she would hang up again.

"Just hear me out. I have _never _felt this way about anyone before in my life. I won't come back to the gym but … I have to see you. I have to touch you, kiss you, make love--"

"Enough." She hung up suddenly as I hung my head and tried redialing her number. I must've stayed there for almost an hour, trying to will her to pick up the phone. She didn't. The next best thing was to go to her house.

Her house. I started to crank up the car and leave, but I was spotted by Kwan. What was she _doing _out here?

"Mr. Hassan … what are you doing out here? Get back in the building." She demanded, following me and making sure that I was headed in the right direction. I rolled my eyes, but did as I was told.

This was just a delay. Nothing was going to stop me from seeing Hana again. When I walked back into Degrassi, there was a loud ruckusgoing on. Ms. Kwan rushed to see what was going on. I could see some niner crying and Mohammed in the crowd smirking.

Perfect. I could get to Hana through him.

"Yo … what's going on?" I approached him casually.

"Something hilarious." He started pointing at the girl and the look on her face reminded me of my days as a fat ass. I didn't want to see anymore. I couldn't indulge in her pain.

"Hey, I meant to ask you … know of any parties coming up?"

"Yeah. Actually …" He started to talk and explain some stuff and the conversation wounded up with him inviting me over to chill at his place, after I planted some ideas into his head.

* * *

**~Alli Bhandari~**

"So I don't look like a monster?" I asked Jimmy who wasn't gawking at my face. I couldn't see how he could restrain himself from

So far, Jimmy had been the only one who had seen my face, besides myself and my entire family. It didn't seem to scare him off at all. He must've been used to looking at deformed hags. Or maybe it really wasn't as bad as I thought and wearing this hijab to school, for this reason at least, was just plain stupid.

"No, but you should probably go to a doctor." He answered, chomping on a French fry and still not cringing at the least. "You might be having an allergic reaction to the … _cleanser _you are using." He grinned, using the word that I used to disguise the bleaching cream for what it really was.

"You're probably right about the doctor, but it's so addictive. Just the idea of being able to have any skin color you want is just amazing."

"It's irrelevant. I think you're a chill person. You have a heart somewhere behind those layers of superficial nonsense and you're very intelligent." Jimmy answered as I struggled not to blush. I guess that was one advantage to being dark.

No one could tell when you got embarrassed.

"I am pretty _chill_." I joked back, patting his arm playfully and getting the slight feeling that we were in the midst of having a very cute moment, but that was before Claire rushed into the staff lounge office.

"I've been looking all _over _for you."

"How'd you know I was here--"

"Sav told me." She shrugged. "Sorry, to steal her away Jimmy …" Claire reached for my arm. "Okay. There are two very important things I have to tell you. One is about you and one is about me--"

"What about me?" I wondered immediately.

"Okay. You first … ICE is totally taking credit for that mega-long incredible article you wrote about being Indian for our Cultural History course. They're submitting it for some type of ICE convention or something and I knew that you hadn't consented because you would've told me. Right?" She clarified, trying to ensure that we were still best friends, which we totally were.

"I tell you everything don't I?" I asked even though that wasn't true as of late. Lately, we had been living more separate lives, mine being much more conglomerated and enraptured in a secret online love and a growing crush on an older guy.

I was a glutton for punishment, always chasing after the unattainable and seeing nothing wrong with it. I gave Jimmy a sympathetic look, wishing that I could go back to day dreaming that his coolness was more than just him being nice, but rather … romanticesque.

"So, I guess I've got to tell Mohammed off. Again." I voiced, preparing myself for some asinine comments that were too puerile to come from such a mature, gorgeous guy that I was so still into.

* * *

**~Alli Bhandari~**

The face off even took me by surprise as I saw what looked like the entire ICE group standing in the hallway.

"Well if it isn't the token Indian Muslim." Rumi Patel joked, referring to my hijab.

"That article is mine and I want it back." I walked right up to Mohammed boldly. He kept talking to Shahela, ignoring me completely. "Hello idiot, intelligent person talking here … maybe I didn't make myself clear."

Mohammed turned around after hearing those words. Bingo. He didn't like to be called stupid.

"What do you want niner?"

"My essay back. You're not allowed to take credit for it--"

"But we're not." Shahela stepped in as the other members started to take notice. "As a member of ICE, everything you do related to being Indian is our property."

"How so?" Claire wondered boldly.

"What Shahela is trying to say is … back down Bhandari. We always get what we want. We got your speech and now Shahela will also be presenting your essay--"

"And we'll give full credit to you." Shahela added as if to soften the wound, holding my essay to her chest. "It's really well written. The National ICE community will love it."

"Hell. No." I almost shouted. "Give it back." I reached for the paper in her hands as we commence in a tug of war.

I could win this, I knew a could until I felt a breeze of wind pass me and heard a gasp. Shahela fell backwards suddenly as I felt triumphed. I had won. Yeah me.

As I started to make my victory speech, Claire spoke up. "Umm … Alli." She pointed me in the direction of my scarf, which was now in Rumi's hands.

"Ha. No wonder she's wearing hijab." She mocked me.

"I would be too." Someone else added.

"Scarface. Scarface." Rumi chanted as other ICE members joined her. Soon the chants switched between a mixture of "Blackie" and "Scarface," leaving me stunned and speechless. Mohammed started making a series of jokes as the crowd widened.

I was unable to move, unaware of exactly what was being said, but becoming vaguely aware of Leila's presence and the back biting comments she was making toward Mohammed. The crowd vacillated between 'ooohs' and 'ahhs,' instigating the battle between the two until Leila went right for the jugular and aided me to a swift retreat.

We had gotten a few steps down the hallway before Kwan caught up with us and Mohammed's jokes ensued. I had never hated being who I was so much before that moment.

* * *

(A/N: How did you like this chapter? Review and check out all the other stories I've updated today! --NL)


	12. What if I Jump in Front of a Bus?

**Chapter Nine: What if I Jump in Front of a Bus?**

**

* * *

**

**~Claire~**

What do you say to a friend who has just been so cruelly and publically humiliated? There were no words that I had for Alli because I knew that this was something that I couldn't relate to. I had never…

"Would you stop staring at me? I'm fine." She explained with renewed, or at a least feigned feistiness that temporarily overshadowed her very destroyed self.

"You don't have to lie to me Alli. I'm your friend."

"And we're still on school property. I can't talk to this with you here." Alli pulled the scarf tighter around her body. "I should've worn an **abaya. **Then this wouldn't have happened."

"Will you please talk to me?" I demanded, taking her shoulder and forcing Alli to look at me. "I'm your best friend. Why didn't you tell me about this … about the bleaching cream and everything?"

"You wouldn't understand Claire. If I looked more like … like you, _I _would be the one representing us at the convention. Mohammed would be my boyfriend and-"

"Those people are ignorant Alli. There's nothing else to it. Making it's a good thing you're not in ICE anymore."

"Those people are all I know Claire. All my life." She practically screamed. "What they think … it's what everyone in my community thinks. My parents even … they may not say it but I know what's on their mind. They are wondering, 'Why did our one and only daughter have to be so dark'"

"Alli…"

"No. Don't." She said with a curtness that really stung. Was Alli seriously blowing me off after something so major had just happened. " I'll see you tomorrow at school Claire." She sighed with a little less coldness, even giving me a hug to soften the blow.

* * *

**~Felipe~**

If Mohammed as so eager to treat that niner like that, I knew he'd crucify me once he found out that my favorite extracurricular was making love to his step-mom. I had to shake the thought from my mind. He wouldn't find out. No one would.

_There's no proof_.

"Dude, you saw what happened back there?" Mohammed wondered, trying to recover from that Asian chick who had just brought him down so low that I didn't think he'd recover … at least not so quickly.

"Yeah. Who was that girl?"

"That Asian chick? I don't know, but I'll find out."

"Not her." I responded thinking about how her humiliation so closely matched mine. I don't mean the Holly J situation, which I'm still recovering from by the way, but when some guys set me up so that I was naked in front of tons of students at school.

Naked and _fat_. I didn't hear the end of it until … until I came here, and decided once and for all that I wasn't worth anything with all those rolls of fat.

"Some loud-mouthed niner. She'll be alright."

"She didn't look like it." I replied, really not liking him as much as before.

"Whose side are you on?"

"Yours … so I heard there's a party going on."

"Oh yeah. _That_. At my place-"

"Will your parents be there?" I wondered with heightened anticipation. Please. I had to see Hana.

"Course not dude. See you tonight, okay ?"

"Sure." I nodded, trying not to sound too down. How was I going to see Hana then?

* * *

**~Leila Bai~ **

"You're pretty fast." I noted, catching up to Alli who was taking a long, lonely walk home. "What are you doing?"

"Going home."

"I know you don't want to talk about it … do you?" I wondered as Allie shrugged. "That's fine, but I'll just walk home with you if you don't mind."

"Why would you do that? Didn't you see what I look like?"

"So what? You'll get your Neutrogena skin back. Those people back there were such assholes … your friends."

"No." Alli answered sadly.

"Good. You know … I think we make a perfect pair today. You're all hiding from everything like you're the Hunchback when I'm the one with bruises and scars." I explained as she turned to look at me for the first time.

"Oh My … Leila … I."

"No problem. Just a little accident with a stick and an old lady. Nothing time can't heal." I muttered softly trying not to think about how much I wanted to cry about the whole thing. Alli may have had those people beat her down back there, but at least that wasn't her family.

My family hated me and for that reason, and that reason only, I hated them even more.

"Besides, I met this hotter cuter boy that is so delish and I wanted to tell you about him." I went on. Alli looked like she was interested, but didn't say anything. Her mind was still on the incident, but I knew just want to do to get her mind off of it. Gossip.

"So, he's totally a Degrassi Alumni, hot as hell as he has his own apartment. This is the guy I met at the club, remember when you and Claire went … that's him. He totally told me that he wants me to stay with him for a little while and I think, it might be going somewhere."

"Have you two-"

"Soon. I hope. It's his call though. I for one am completely _not _shy about those types of things. Sex is more fun than hassle if you do it right, you know what I mean … or not." I finished once I realized who I was talking to. "But you shouldn't rush your first time because like everyone says, it actually matters … so how long until we get to your house?"

"Like an hour, if we're lucky."

"Then why don't we forget this walk home idea and wait for Danny to get out of practice. He'll take us wherever."

* * *

**~Alli~**

The bizarre events of the day were getting weirder by the second. After Leila of all people stood up for me, I ran into Jimmy who totally looked like he got it. He probably heard the chanting in the hallway. But I just didn't want to talk about it, so I waited in the office until Leila would come and get me.

"I have to close the doors at four." He explained.

"Why are you telling me this now? It's barely after three."

"Are you mad at me?" Jimmy asked. "I told you that-"

"I don't want to hear what you told me. I used the bleaching cream and I'll keep using it until it works! Until I'm not ugly and black." I spat out with disgust. I hated myself. I hated myself so much that I just wanted to tear through my skin and peel it back.

Back and back and back until I wasn't ugly anymore, until I was worthy.

"Don't be stupid. You're beautiful." Jimmy admitted as my eyes fluttered down.

"That's because I have this hijab on still. If I take it off … you'll change your mind." I whispered, so sure that it was true.

Jimmy shrugged and I thought the chat was over until hobbled over to me and stood in front of me. I felt so horrible, that I had made him get up. Jimmy reached over to me and pulled off my scarf, folding it quickly. "You're beautiful." He repeated.

That time it felt more real. My heart was pounding so loudly that I couldn't hear anything else over it. Not even my own thoughts. Jimmy made moves to sit down beside me and I looked down shyly.

Shy? That was so not me, but I didn't feel like me anymore. I wasn't the feisty, confident girl who had walked into Degrassi as a freshman earlier this year. It had weighed me down, made me question and _hate _myself.

"I wish I could see what you see." I voiced as the two of us drifted into a conversation completely unrelated to race issues. It was smooth and easy talking to Jimmy. He was generous with his words, true, genuine … and somehow so deep and profound.

He even offered to take me home. And I was going to take him up on the offer until Leila appeared in the office.

"Sorry Babes, but it's time to go." She reached for my hand and pulled me away before I could tell him that I thought he was beautiful too. And that would've been the perfect moment … confess and then run, just like I'd told Claire.

* * *

**Leila Bai~ **

"I should be driving my girlfriend home, but instead I'm in the car with 2 niners. One is my friend's sister."

"I can wait for Sav." Alli offered.

"No, you're not." I chimed in and then turned to Danny. "Would you stop complaining? One guy. Two girls … the possibilities." I joked as Danny chilled out a little. "So Mia is still jealous?"

"She thinks you want me."

"That's ridiculous." I laughed fully. "_If _I wanted anything from you, I could have it. Tell her to chill out because we don't see each other that way. If she asks why I hold your hand or-"

"Pinch my ass or kiss my lips."

"Thank you for sharing that." I rolled my eyes at Danny even though he couldn't see. "You and Alli know that I'm just a perpetual flirt. I see an ass that needs pinching or lips that look lonely and I oblige.

"But seriously Danny, thanks." I bit my lip. "You're a really good friend for doing this and I promise I'll tone it down while Mia's around or … anyone else that might start some shit. You know you're my boy."

* * *

(A/N: This will probably be my last Degrassi fiction. It has just lost its place in my heart, but I will be trying to finish some of the other ones I've written, so stay tuned. –NL)


End file.
